THE ART OF LIVING AN ALCOHOL-FREE LIFESTYLE

Tip: # 02 Take the seat of the queen.

The Art of Living an Alcohol-Free Lifestyle will be for all the consistent inquiries I receive on whether or not I will talk about alcohol again. Here’s the thing, everything I talk about stems from my choice not to drink alcohol. It just may not be that obvious. But I hear you, and I understand what you have been asking for.

So let's have some fun with it.

THE ART OF LIVING AN ALCOHOL-FREE LIFESTYLE

A series of one-off tips served with some straight talk, a bit of sass, and a penchant for not taking oneself or life too seriously.

Tip # 02: Take the seat of the queen.

One of the most common questions I have received over the years is: What should I do if my partner still drinks?

My answer, in a word, is nothing.

When I quit drinking, Joe (Joe is my husband if you don't know him yet) was still very much drinking. I had zero intentions of trying to get him to quit with me. I didn't even factor him in. Yes, of course, he is one of the main reasons for this decision, but when it came to my new relationship with alcohol, no one else was involved. It was me and my life and how I chose to live it. The choice was simply what I wanted for myself. Now whether Joe, my besties, my family, or anyone who happened to be around me, their actions did not sway me one way or the other. I was like a dog with a bone. I was super focused on myself and how I was changing, which was the only thing that mattered at the time. There was no other way for me.

A few years prior to this, I was working with a life coach who taught me that I needed to take the seat of the queen. She would remind me of who I was and how my energy and power affected my household. You see, I am the queen in my home, and I create and direct the energy as the queen. If I show up bitchy and full of complaints and demands, the energy of my home shifts. When I show up in a loving and respectful way, the energy of my home shifts. It doesn't matter what my partner is doing. Depending on how I show up, he follows that lead.

As soon I learned the concept of the queen energy, I recognized how true it was. 

So when it came to me not drinking, the last thing I was going to do was nag him about his choice to continue. I wanted things to be normal. I didn't want my decision to affect how he lived his life. I never told him to stop or even slow down. I just let him do his thing. Though we were in a partnership, I had to acknowledge that our individual autonomy needed to be honored and respected. If I had put limits on him in any way or allowed his actions to determine my own, it would have been devastating for each of us and our marriage.

Previously, I had spent many years nagging the shit out of him. I was always on his case for something. From the outside looking in, one might think picking fights was my favorite pastime. And when I was drinking, it most certainly was.

Let me tell you something. When you take your relentless nitpicking focus off your partner, things change. When you stop blaming your partner for everything, the energy changes. When you focus on yourself and take responsibility for your life, you will become magnetic.

I let him do his thing, how he wanted and in his own way. And he took note of how I was doing my own thing. I wasn't sure how our relationship would turn out, but that wasn't my focus. I had this wild faith, and I knew with every ounce of my soul that no matter what, whether I stayed in my marriage or if we decided to part ways, I would be ok.

This is how I took the seat of the queen. 

Addendum.

As of writing this on Friday, April 21st, Joe has not had a drink in nearly ten weeks! Even more shocking (at least to me anyway) is that Joe and I let our private walls down this past week and spoke about this exact topic on the podcast Unbottled Potential with Amands Kuda. If you liked this tip, you may find the full episode to dive deeper.

Look out for our episode dropping next week.