THE ART OF LIVING AN ALCOHOL-FREE LIFESTYLE

Tip: #09 Stop Opinion Shopping

THE ART OF LIVING AN ALCOHOL-FREE LIFESTYLE

A series of one-off tips served with some straight talk, a bit of sass, and a penchant for not taking oneself or life too seriously.

Tip # 09: Stop opinion shopping.

I was 21 when my hair stylist pointed out a gray hair on my head. I thought she was joking. She wasn’t, and I was humiliated and horrified. And from then on, I was committed to coloring my hair religiously for the next two decades. Why? Because that's what society told me to do. Everyone everywhere promoted it without ever having to actually say it, from commercials to hair stylists to magazines and movies. Even my friends and family….well, they actually did say it.

Common stereotypes and things I have heard over the years.

• Women with gray hair are considered old, worn out, retired, and invisible.

• Only great-grandmothers have gray hair.

• "Oh honey, you gotta cover those grays."

• "Your roots are showing."

I would spend hours studying the look of Demi Moore and Natalie Portman, who both shaved their heads for movie roles. I dreamed about the day I could free myself from the hair dye by shaving my head, starting over, and growing it out naturally. No more coloring. No more wasted hours at the hair salon every 14 days. No more spending $300+ monthly on the toxic paste to be placed on my scalp. The f*cking freedom from it all.

Credit: Pinterest & Tony Barson/WireImage

But when I would share these thoughts with my friends, co-workers, or anyone, I was told I was crazy for even considering it. Even my lovely husband would go radio silent when I brought up the subject. And, of course, every hair stylist I mentioned it to would shake their heads with absolute disdain. Now granted, it was still my choice to continue coloring my hair, but I was absolutely persuaded by all the negative feedback from the crew.

It's the same story when I imagined my life as a non-drinker.

I didn't wake up one day and decide I wouldn't drink alcohol anymore. Quite the opposite, actually. I had an ongoing internal dialogue with myself for nearly two decades about my drinking. Over the years, I would talk to people about it, how I was feeling, and how I really didn't want to be a drinker anymore. And I always received the same feedback - but you don't have a problem. Every single time. And then the conversation was over.

Looking back on the drinking and the coloring of my hair, I was looking for someone to give me permission to do what I already knew I wanted and needed to do. But in true form, for most of us, we keep asking more and more people for their opinions of us and our lives.

Well, newsflash, nobody will ever know what is true and right for us. It doesn't matter how many people we ask. Only we know. And the longer it takes to realize this, the more time we waste living out of alignment with ourselves. Unless that is what we are going for. Self-sabotage in the form of searching for another voice to give us feedack that we are fine and that we should stay right where we are….but that’s a whole other story.

Think about this with your drinking story or any significant shift you wanted to make. How many people did you talk to about it? How many times would you allow the opinions of others to keep you exactly where you were? How often did you let those conversations suppress what you knew was true for you?

And the saying goes, well, I don't know if it's an actual saying, but it should be.

Don't ask your bartender if he thinks you should quit drinking.

….and definitely don’t ask your hairstylist if you should shave your head!