THE ART OF LIVING AN ALCOHOL-FREE LIFESTYLE
Tip # 01 No One Cares
The Art of Living an Alcohol-Free Lifestyle will be for all the consistent inquiries I receive on whether or not I will talk about alcohol again. Here’s the thing, everything I talk about stems from my choice not to drink alcohol. It just may not be that obvious. But I hear you, and I understand what you have been asking for.
So let's have some fun with it.
THE ART OF LIVING AN ALCOHOL-FREE LIFESTYLE
A series of one-off tips served with some straight talk, a bit of sass, and a penchant for not taking oneself or life too seriously.
TIP # 1: No one cares.
Let's cut through all the bullshit and pleasantries; no one cares that we quit drinking.
It’s normal human behavior that when something big happens in our lives, we assume the importance of it will be understood by everyone around us. And, of course, sometimes this is true. We all have friends who are relentless cheerleaders no matter what and those reliable family members who show up for everything. It's natural to assume that when we make one of the most significant decisions of our lives, people will show up in the same way. We may also believe that others are putting our decision at the forefront and are all consumed with our lack of consumption. But more than likely, that's not happening. This choice may be the most important thing to us, but not the world around us.
The people who care about us will inevitably care about our well-being and our decision. But let's widen the scope of all the people in our lives. I am talking about everyone in our orbit on the daily. Our co-workers, bosses, acquaintances, family members near and far, the local barista, the old friends we run into, ex-lovers, book club members, and yes even some of our close friends, none of whom are really thinking about the choices we have made. And if they are, it's most certainly different from how we imagine. No matter how much our ego wants us to believe it, they're not obsessing over us not drinking. And on the flip side of that, we also have this human quality that we think everyone around us is watching or judging us in some capacity, just waiting for us to mess up and to prove we are imperfect.
Again, they're not. (enjoy a long exhale here)
When I first quit drinking, it was all I could think about. And yes, while it was the most important decision at the time (and ever), it only belonged to me. This lifestyle change became the center of my universe, and I inevitably became the center of that universe. This focus has to happen. I had to put myself first and do the things that would keep me accountable for my choice. But to think that everyone around me was either obsessing over this or looking for me to fail couldn't be further from the truth. Why? Because it wasn't their choice. It wasn't their life.
I realized this golden nugget of information after having initial conversations with trusted friends and family and after stating I was a non-drinker in ordinary conversations in random settings whenever people outside my close circle broached the topic. There would be the typical questions of whys and hows and for what length of time, but after that, if the topic would come up again, it was because I brought it up.
What a relief it is when you realize you are not the center of the universe and can therefore relax because nobody cares.
As soon as I recognized this, I felt better in my skin. I no longer felt like I had to tell everyone and give a twenty-minute explanation to anyone who would listen. It allowed me to become steadier in this choice. When we constantly focus on what others may think of us or talk non-stop about ourselves or the things that are important to us, we leak energy. A lot of energy. We can drain others and ourselves when we are so self-involved and wrapped up in what's important to us.
When we stop falling for this self-sabotaging behavior, we stop leaking energy and start creating real self-empowerment. This empowerment doesn’t require anyone's approval, and it most certainly will not be destroyed by anyone’s disapproval. From this, we learn we can show up in any environment with palpable quiet confidence and a strong sense of self.
This absolutely resonates. As a 6 months and handful of days sober person, I’m becoming aware of where I choose to use my energy. Your description of “energy leaks” are spot on: those small drains add up and I will now be more conscious of when they happen and plugging them when needed!
Thank you for this article, Mia. Can you talk sometime specifically about those early days of quitting and your relationship with your husband? How/if it affected the way you spent time together, etc.