I'll Have What She's Having... vol. 2

Sept in NYC

Hello you, I am writing this from my hotel room on the east coast, where my husband and I are staying for the next 12 days. I was planning on getting the live Q&A out to you this week. However, I realize all my video equipment is back home :) So Q&A will be recorded and delivered as soon as I am settled back in. Thank you for writing me your questions. There were some really sweet ones that made me pause and consider as well. I received questions from substack, via email, and of course, IG. I’m excited about these lives, it’s something I am not totally comfortable doing, so it’s exactly why I am doing it. I hope it goes well and you find value in it.

As always, for a better reader experience, go directly to the Feel Good Studio substack website thesoberglow.substack.com, or open up the browser from the button on the top right of this email, or download the app. xx Mia

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I’LL HAVE WHAT SHE’S HAVING Vol. 2

I’ll Have What She’s Having is a themed email all about the rabbit holes in which I find myself in. I love learning. I love listening to peoples POV, even if it’s not my own. I am open. I am curious. I intend to be this way forever. As they say, remain teachable.

As I mentioned, I am in NYC right now with my husband. We lived here for twenty years before moving to LA five years ago, and though NYC treated me very well and managed to keep me alive, it wasn’t always the healthiest city for me. It will be fun to experience this city from the perspective of a non-drinking woman who still appreciates the nightlife and glitter that the city has to offer but also a good night’s sleep and water therapy for hours and hours. I purposely did not overbook myself so that I could have plenty of time to rest and as well as slowly explore the healthy hedonistic side this city has to offer.

If you saw my IG stories on Saturday morning, I mentioned the best mouthwatering bite in NYC….well you can find it here. The black truffle chisolino is always the first thing I want when I come back to NYC. Tell Massimo hello :)

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ON MY NIGHTSTAND

Why We Can’t Sleep: Women’s New Midlife Crisis by Ada Calhoun. The author was born the same year I was, and her perspective on why we are all so stressed out and feel unworthy and like we can never be enough is so eye-opening and had me on several occasions reading it out loud to my husband. Consider this book a contender for the book club.

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NEW SUBSTACK READS

• BrazenFace (a younger woman with a really sweet take on giving up alcohol)

• Rachelle Robinett (a mentor who has inspired me in many ways)

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PODCASTS

WILD by Sarah Wilson (Author of I Quit Sugar and First We Make the Beast Beautiful (highly recommend for my fellow females running anxious))

• Interview with Katherine May, author of Wintering

• Interview with Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way

NEWS NOT NOISE by Jessica Yellin

• Public Image and Women Who Don’t Conform

There is so much to say about this topic. As a 46-year-old gray-haired woman, I hardly feel as if I am “giving up”. In fact the opposite. I get a lot of feedback from women around my choice to go gray. Same goes with the feedback I get from women when I talk about movement/exercise in midlife. Most of it is amazing and inspiring and feels good…however, there is the assholery of it all as well. I am aware my choices are not for everyone. But why do people still feel it necessary to be rude?

I will continue to speak to this and it will be a theme running through this whole newsletter. It’s crazy what comes out of the woodwork when you openly admit you want to feel good and look good.

And on that note, let’s explore the art of la bella figurath. This is something I have been practicing post the big C. It’s an Italian term, as the best are, and in English, it loosely translates to getting dressed up for the sake of pleasing oneself. It’s making every moment an event and dressing for it. Listen, I have mastered the art of sweatpants, and I am not about to toss them all away nor will I tell anyone to do so. But I also know and feel that when I get dressed, I feel so much better about myself and in general just have a better day. And dare I say, a more productive day as well. I grew up in a family who rarely wore make-up or dressed up for anything other than a wedding or funeral. I always thought if I tried, it would look as if I was trying, and I never wanted to look as if I was trying. So ironically, on any given day, I was the girl who most certainly looked as if she was not trying. Kind of like how we save those nice candles that never burn and inevitably just collect dust? Well, I would only dress up when there was really something to do. I would never wear make-up to run errands or hang around the house. And I would have never even considered wearing my good clothes or doing my hair on a regular Tuesday afternoon. Those were things I only did when I would be with friends, or going to a real social event.

My friend Bridgette, who used to do my hair back in NY, would listen to me whine about how bad my hair was, and how I never wanted to take the time to do it because I thought I was keeping my hair healthy by not touching it and saving it from heat damage. But it always looked a little shabby because of this “saving”. She would tell me that I can either risk damaging my hair by taking the time to do it nicely, or I can have ok hair that looks unkempt all the time. “Your choice” she would lovingly scorn. I think about those conversations around my choice almost daily….as I inevitably throw my hair up in a bun. Unkempt it is.

Below is a sweet video around this idea of getting dressed. I would like to know where everyone else is at in this matter. Maybe you are one of those beautiful unicorns that always look amazing no matter what day/time it is. If so, do tell. But, if you are like me and lean hard into comfort on the daily, but making a change now that we are coming out of our two year at home leisure wear season, I would love to know your strategy around getting dressed for the sake of getting dressed.

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I heard that the uber popular IG relationship coach Jillian Turecki was starting a podcast and this one caught my eye immediately. Have a listen and share your thoughts.

Sex and Sweatpants: How to Bring Attraction Back Into Your Long-Term Relationship.

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The FOOD PODCAST by Lindsay Cameron Wilson. I have mentioned this podcast before as one of the most unique ones I have listened to. Well, she just dropped her second season after nearly two years, and I am thrilled to get into it. Also, her Substack.

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THE HUBERMAN LAB by Andrew Huberman

• What Alcohol does to your Body, Brain and Health

This entire podcast deserves to be summarized and made into a little pamphlet of sorts to be handed out when necessary.

I also snagged tickets to see him live in LA on October 16th. And if you are on the East Coast, he will be in NYC on Nov 9th.

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MASTERCLASS (I love their tagline: Stop Scrolling, Start Doing)

• Ester Perel author of Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs.

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WRITING

I just learned that Ann Dowsett Johnston, author of Drink, has a writing course Writing Your Recovery. But hurry, it starts Sept 21st.

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Non-Alcoholic DRINKS

Listen, not everyone enjoys or should drink NA drinks. I have friends who find it incredibly triggering. I personally don’t feel this way, and I do like to share what’s out there in case it may be something you are looking for. There are so many on the market now and I haven’t tried nearly enough, however, most I find to be popular due to marketing (like most things) as opposed to actually being a good product.

Noteable:

• Drink Sovi. I love this brand for rosé. However, the red wine version is not my fav.

• Amass Riverine

• Ghia Apertif

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MOVEMENT

While in NYC, I will be working with my trainer to make sure that I am still getting in my weight training but also allowing leniency for me to just enjoy myself without killing myself trying to keep up my at-home daily schedule. In the upcoming feel-good NYC email, I will let you know how it goes. I have a list of boutique fitness classes and spas I want to hit up. Walking will be the main event though. I love, love walking NYC.

I hate that it is so abnormal to walk in LA - plus as a LA walker, you are legitimately putting your life at risk with those damn LA drivers. They don’t give a damn. At least here in NYC there is a hierarchy: bikers rule the streets, then walkers, then city buses, then trucks, and then cars. If a driver even comes close to a walker, he/she will hear about it….and you better get out of your car and run if you mess with a professional city biker. They will come for you.

Damn, I miss New York and its badass energy. But I digress.

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I’d like to wrap this up with an experience I had this past week that was quite a lesson for me. I was out running errands, and I was a bit cranky and not feeling my best because I had not slept well the night prior. I had a particularly tough time at a store I was picking up some merchandise from. There were many people behind the counter, but they were clearly very stressed, and everything was a bit chaotic. After a mistake was made and a change needed to happen, another employee got involved and was incredibly rude to the other employee trying to help me. She was so stressed, and out of control, she literally said under her breath, “I’m going to kill myself”. Now, before I go on, this was not said in a cry for help, but it was said in a very tense and stressful way in which I don’t even think she realized she said it. But I heard it and was completely unnerved by it. I asked her if she was ok, but she ignored that question. As did everyone else around us. I was then told it was going to be some time before they could help me and I should “go away”. When she finally came back to me and was able to help me get out of the store, the little energy I had was failing me, my crankiness was picking up and I was increasingly becoming more agitated. And because the universe is just one big hell fire sometimes, another customer walked right into me and pushed me up against the counter and kept going. She didn’t say excuse me or even acknowledge that I was a human being she had just bulldozed into. I exploded, internally.

As I was making a mad dash out the door and silently screaming as many obscenities as I had in my vocabulary, I heard a sweet voice behind me ask, “Are you Mia?” FML, I thought as I turned around thinking there was going to be another crazy encounter with this store, only to see a young employee standing there smiling at me. She must have seen the stress on my face and so she quickly started talking about how she follows my IG account and that it helped her on her journey and just wanted to express her gratitude for it. Now here is my lesson. I was in the midst of a chaotic, sleep-deprived, cranky ass moment and I failed this interaction. I failed her. I am not even sure of what I said of if I even smiled. I do know that I apologized that she caught me in a terrible moment and but then I pretty much ran out the door to my car.

As I sat in the parking lot for about 10 minutes trying to open my new nervine tincture to calm my nerves, I considered going back in and apologizing. But I couldn’t do it, and I drove off. I lasted twenty minutes of beating myself up over it. I pulled my car over, looked up the store number and called. When the phone was answered I gave a descriptor and asked to speak with this girl. It was her who answered and I was immediately relieved I wouldn’t have to explain to another person why I was calling. I was able to take a breath, apologize and say what I should have said.

I am so happy for you.

I am proud of you.

Thank you for taking the time to say hello to me.

She accepted my apology, and we spoke briefly. And then we connected again via DM and email.

Yes, life is stressful and chaotic and we are not always at our best. And I would never want to live my life on guard. But I have to remember that when I sign off of IG and put my phone away, that little world still exists. And it matters. Telling my story matters. Connecting with other women matters. Having other women who inspire me by telling their stories, matters. This conversation matters.

These encounters matter.

So sweet Angela, thank you for your kindness and generosity of spirit. Even in the face of my very real grumpy-ass (not la bella figura) moment.