A life changing conversation

And yet so many women are still not having it.

Just the other day, a woman was telling me how she was feeling terrible in her body. She isn’t sleeping, she’s constantly stressed out, angry all the time, and has zero libido. I sat there, listening, nodding, letting her know I was hearing her and that I knew exactly what she was describing. When she was done, I simply asked, “How old are you?”

“45”

Let me start with this: I don’t mind telling people how old I am, and I also don’t shy away from asking women their age (given the proper circumstances). This was my first question simply because I was judging. I was weighing whether I should take the time to start an open, honest conversation with her. I find that if a woman won’t share her age, she probably won’t be looking for the kind of conversation I want to have. And if there is anything I don’t want to do more of, wasting my time is just that.

Great. She shared her age quickly, without any distress. My next question was, "Have you considered HRT or had that conversation?"

“No”

Then she hit me with the question, “Doesn’t that cause breast cancer?” As soon as she asked this, the same question so many women have asked all over the world for years and years, I knew that she simply didn’t have all of the information. I told her I didn’t have enough time to get into it right then, but if she was open to it, I would love to share some information she could review on her own. This, she was open to.

For most of the day, I thought about this conversation on perimenopause. The conversation I have had so many times over the past five-ish years. Initially, I have been the one receiving and absorbing all the education and resources, and I still am. But now I feel I have enough knowledge to share this information easily and passionately, as well as the experts I have learned from and continue to learn from.

I think the best way to help someone make an informed choice for themself (when they ask, and only when they ask) is to share all the information. I love nothing more than to share all the sources, the experts, the conversations, the research, and the studies. Maybe this is because I am a nurse, and essentially a nurse is an educator, coach, and a no BS kind of communicator, or at least this is the type of nurse I am. Personally, I love having this conversation and sharing all the information I have gathered and learned over the years. Even if it seems like everyone and their mother is talking about perimenopause, there are still so many women who are not privy to the new and updated information for whatever reason and at no fault of their own, such as my friend from the above conversation.

I feel so passionately that women are not getting all the information. And it’s not just from the lack of knowledge in the medical field (which is slowly but steadily changing); it’s from other women. The fear-mongering has an intensity that I have not seen before. For example, I am part of many big WhatsApp chats, and one in particular was talking about perimenopause. I was asked outright what I thought, and so I gave my personal story as well as the experts I have learned from over the years. Days later, the woman who asked me for my opinion shared that another woman in the chat texted her privately, forcefully telling her, “Do not take HRT.” But that was it, no other explanation other than laying her blanket statement opinion onto another woman who was struggling with perimenopausal symptoms.

I find this behavior bullshit and straight up unfair. No one has the right to tell another person what they should and should not do. Especially when it comes to their own body. We have to deal with it enough coming from our own ill-informed medical practitioners, who so often shoot down even the simplest of conversations around perimenopause, we shouldn’t have to deal with it from other women who really should be supportive in whatever we choose to do.

Also, if someone has such a strong opinion about something….at least back it up. But she didn’t, nor could she. Anyway, clearly, this type of medical bullying fires me up.

If you are new to this conversation or someone you know is looking for information, these are the experts I always recommend starting with.

MEDICAL

1. Dr. Mary Claire Haver

2. Dr. Heather Hirsh

3. Dr. Vonda Wright

4. Dr. Kelly Casperson

*All of them are a wealth of information from podcasts, books, blogs, and free resources. Endless rabbit holes to explore and learn.

PODCAST

1. The Truth About Estrogen: What the Women's Health Initiative Got Wrong with Dr. Avrum Bluming & Dr. Carol Tavris

*A must listen for anyone who would like to understand why there is so much fear around HRT and cancer.

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I feel like everyone needs a little extra comfort these days. Enjoy.

XX, M

Hoopla and Libby are two must-have apps for readers. OSEA body oil and body balm are such a treat for the body. Recent favorite purchase from Calvin Klein plush sweater lounge hoodie (sorry, the pants are sold out). Good clean scents for the home - CECE is my go-to. Sexy mood lighting is also good for you. You don’t have to have a cold to drink this, it’s a great way to hydrate the entire GI tract with its slippery elm herb main ingredient. At my bedside for my hands, elbows, feet, or anything that needs deep moisturizing - especially for us Nurses. Nothing feels better than an oversized plush blanket.