The Sober Glow Studio is an extension of what was started on social media circa 2016. As I have evolved, the topics I cover have naturally evolved. Here, I provide stories, recommendations, and resources on the art of living an alcohol-free lifestyle, navigating health & midlife, and anything that simply feels good.
Gossip:
I am using the word gossip/gossiping as a blanket term for bad-mouthing, talking sh*t, complaining about another, and insinuating remarks.
Have you ever met a woman and were immediately attracted to her? Something about her was incredibly appealing to you. It was comfortable and easy to be around her. Every time there is an interaction, you leave feeling good. Or maybe you’ve never met IRL, but she is your favorite follow online, or fitness instructor or chef on Youtube. Whoever it is, you really like her.
Now think of another woman who annoys the crap out of you. She might be a friend, someone online, or a co-worker; it doesn't matter. In your mind, this woman is just too something. She has qualities that drive you up the wall. You don't want to give her any attention. Yet you keep following her (probably from afar) and staying all up in her business, waiting for her to make a mistake. You can't wait till she falls from her pedestal (which you probably put her on). You feel annoyance and maybe some competitiveness whenever you interact with her.
Lastly, think about the woman that pisses you off. In your mind, she is the worst. In your opinion, she has some qualities that you can't stand. You dislike or maybe even loathe her. You avoid her at all costs. But instead of letting her go, you hang on to your distaste or anger for her, and you tell everybody who will listen what a terrible person she is. You also follow it up with how little she means to you, even though you secretly give her valuable mental space all the time.
In the early weeks of the pandemic, I signed up for an online meditation course that involved the participants being placed into small cohorts for discussion and accountability. There was one rule put upon us: No gossiping or complaining. When I first read this rule, it ruffled my feathers a bit, and my immediate thought was, oh, this woman doesn’t want people talking shit about her and her course and how ballsy to tell me what I can or can’t talk about. I laugh at that now because it was such a bitchy thing for me to think. And ironically, I have learned so much about myself and other women because of this rule that was unapologetically laid out for us. So kudos to that teacher.
Historically, I have never shied away from an excellent bitch fest. I have gossiped and complained about other women, and I know I have been the center of other women’s complaints and gossip. I think it’s safe to say we all have. I imagine you can remember when you found out someone was talking about you behind your back. Whether they were spreading rumors, calling you names, or sharing your secrets, it’s happened to the best of us, and it feels like shit. As I have become more self-aware (thank you AF lifestyle), I have also discovered that it feels like shit to be near women who love to gossip about other women. I would also argue that the person who is doing the gossiping will eventually feel like crap as well. This is because the act of gossiping is incredibly low energy, and even though it may feel good to connect with someone by talking about another person, that feeling of connection doesn’t last long.
So why do we continue doing it when it makes everyone involved feel like sh*t?
I believe, and what I have witnessed over the 47 years of being a woman, that the impulse to gossip stems from how another person makes us feel about ourselves.
Let's go back to the three opening scenarios.