Vol 2.31 B.P.E.
A devastating loss that brought the biggest lesson on how to love { + love links}
The Sober Glow Studio is an extension of what was started on social media circa 2016. As I have evolved, the topics I cover have naturally evolved. Here, I provide stories, recommendations, and resources on the art of living an alcohol-free lifestyle, navigating health & midlife, and anything that simply feels good.
On the morning of Feb 15th, 2022, Joe and I got outside early to walk Pete together. We typically take turns on the morning shift, but we all needed to be together that day. Neither of us had slept much, and we were still in and out of breathless crying. Something that would last for many more weeks to come. It all happened so fast. Only nine days prior when, the Vet at the animal hospital who was caring for Pablo, who we thought had a respiratory infection, called us at two in the morning to inform us it was not a cold but most likely cancer. He suggested that we return to the hospital quickly and say goodbye. I adamantly refused. The other option, only given after refusing to put him down immediately, was to provide him with antibiotics and steroids to see if we could calm his breathing down. We then brought him home and went straight into fight mode.
We reached out to a family Vet, and we called another Vet we had just started seeing, who then got not one but two more specialists involved. More tests with daily visits. That week, every second of every hour I was within arms reach of Pablo. I counted his breaths per minute religiously. I gave him steam showers three times a day while patting his back like an infant in hopes of relieving congestion (we were still praying it was an infection) so he could breathe more easily. Willing this sickness to dissipate and praying for his little body to stay strong and to fight.
On the morning of Feb 14th, our main Vet called us and said that both specialists confirmed Pablo had a tumor pressing into his heart and airway. Since Pablo had stopped eating and his breathing was becoming more labored, we knew we had to accept our fight was over, and the only thing left was the ultimate act of love. The gift of a peaceful passing. That night on Valentine's Day, our Vet came to our home, and we said goodbye in the most beautiful and humane way possible. And it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
It is no coincidence that my little guy Pablo, my soulmate in every way, went out on the day known for celebrating love. Pablo was the coolest little guy around. He was ridiculously happy and playful and loved everyone. He was fiercely loyal to me and went everywhere I went, and everyone recognized our connection to each other. He was my shadow, my hypeman, and my endless entertainment. He had what we referred to as BPE. BIG PABLO ENERGY.
So on Feb 15th, when we went for our first walk as a family of three, we promised one another that from that day on, we would love ourselves and each other and all of our people with BPE—precisely the way he loved us. While we were devasted, we made a pact to honor him with acts of hard love. Love that doesn't require reciprocation. Love that doesn't need recognition. Love that just is.
These days, Big Pablo Energy runs deep through our days. We give it to each other, and, most importantly, we give BPE to ourselves. I show and share it unapologetically and want everyone around me to do the same.
As women, we tend to put everyone and everything first. And only if there is time we do the things that feel good and are good for us. When in reality, it needs to be the other way around. This story that we are selfish if we prioritize our health and happiness is just utter bullshit.
If you are alive and breathing, you deserve to feel this love. And it starts by giving it to yourself.
While Feb 14th used to be a silly holiday, it’s now the day in which we are truly reminded of Big Pablo Energy and our promise to each other and ourselves to act accordingly.
Instead of turning outward, looking for the ‘proof’ of another person’s love, I turn inward and treat myself with the utmost kindness, compassion, and devotion. And I don’t need anyone's permission (or a holiday) to do so. Neither do you.
Be an advocate for your own self-worth, self-respect, and self-responsibility. Celebrate and turn on that BPE. Below, I am dropping a list full of ideas to honor yourself and your temple for Valentine’s Day and every damn day. Maybe something will interest you or spark something else you have been wanting to do or try.
No matter what ~ Love big and hard and have the most fun with your life.
With BPE
M