Tip #19 Find your debauchery

Q&A - Advice for a non-drinking 26yr old looking for community

May 10, 2025

THE ART OF LIVING AN ALCOHOL-FREE LIFESTYLE

A series of one-off tips served with some straight talk, a bit of sass, and a penchant for not taking oneself or life too seriously.

Q

Hi Mia, I find your Substack to be so helpful and centering! I quit drinking a year ago for lifestyle reasons and haven’t looked back since! In your most recent post you talk about how you’ve created a community of like-minded people in NYC. If you have any advice on how I can find other non-drinkers as a 26 year old in the city, I would be so grateful!!

A

Tiners

, thank you for your question. First I want you to know how freaking cool I think it is that you quit drinking at the age of 26. I think back to where I was mentally at that age, and I laugh. I was living in NYC, like you, and I was in the midst of trying to decide what I was going to do with my life. I was in between two totally different Bachelor's degrees, working at a popular NYC bar, falling in love with my now husband, and partying all the time. Even though I had already been questioning alcohol’s place in my life, I was far from quitting. I admire you because I can not even imagine the gumption it would have taken to walk away from the only way of life I knew at that age. I imagine many, many readers here also admire you for doing this at such a young age.

I would have loved to have had someone to look to when I was first questioning my drinking. Someone older. Someone who knew what I was going through. Someone who could give guidance through experience and yet not preach, judge, or assume her way was the only way. But I didn’t have any of this, so I also want you to know how envious I am. These days, there are so many people talking about going alcohol-free. Younger and older people. And we get to learn from each other.

When I was younger, I would have never looked to someone younger than me to learn something. I used to think some of the emerging new faces in the wellness community were cool, but they were younger than me. Therefore, I knew better and more. I’ve since changed my tune. This is all to say, yes I can share some insight with you, but just knowing that you are only in your 20s and already so damn wise, makes me understand that I (and so many others in midlife and beyond) can learn from you and your generation as well.

You are living in a time where sobriety is cool and where you don’t have a line-up of people gasping every time you share your lifestyle choice. But you are also living in a live fast, die young kind of city if there ever was one. NYC is a playground for debauchery.

De*bauch*er*y - Excessive indulgence in sensual pleasures.

I love this word and its actual definition. I believe we can find our people when we live true to ourselves in a state of debauchery, i.e., knowing what feels really good and where we find pleasure and joy in life.

So, while I can list people and things for you to meet and do, my advice would be to ask yourself: What lights me up? What makes me happy? What brings me joy and sensual pleasure?

When we are in a state of joy and pleasure, we become a magnet, attracting the types of people we want into our lives.

With discernment, of course.

Side note: I’ve been burned more than once due to my own eagerness to meet other non-drinkers. This taught me a great lesson we will all eventually learn - just because someone is sober does not mean we want them as a friend.

I started creating my community by going public, writing online, and actively seeking out other women doing the same. I then started a quit-lit book club. One, because those books were incredibly important to me, and two, the conversations and connections over this genre ran deep. Therefore, it was an easy, actionable step for me to follow. I attracted exactly the people I was looking for. Then, I did the same with my love for adventure travel and created the alcohol-free retreats I now host.

A few ideas for NYC.

DayBreaker! AM dance parties - the next one in NYC here. THIS one almost makes me want to fly to NYC to join in!
Sober in NYC - events and get-togethers. There are seven more events in May alone!
Sam of Third Place Bar was the first person I thought of when I read your message. She seems to have a good amount of information on sober happenings in NYC and has a Substack,
Sam at Third Place Bar
.
Social media and hashtags such as #sobernyc. Love it or hate it, IG introduced me to a whole world of non-drinkers! Start digging around, and you are bound to come up with many ideas.

I find that sober events with a focus, such as a speaker or show, are much more fun and easier to navigate than just going to an alcohol-free bar. I sometimes find those situations a bit awkward with a side of “forced fun” energy, which can be ironic.

But again, I want you to return the focus to discovering what you love rather than just looking for other non-drinkers.

The more you can tap into what fills you with energy and life, the more likely you will attract the right people.

Find your debauchery!

XX,

Also see Tip # 3