There are no qualifications needed to question your drinking.
Q&A
How do I handle the fact that I’ve been struggling with alcohol for the past 2.5 years — I’m not an alcoholic, but I lean on it as a habit/crutch? LM
Hi LM,
I think you are making the first step towards handling it simply by asking this question. But questioning our drinking is anything but simple. I went years and years asking myself this same question before I actually started asking it out loud or taking the voice that was asking it seriously. And even then, I went another few years talking about it out loud with friends here and there. I always considered quitting but inevitably talked myself right back into it as soon as I felt the slightest change in my mood. Whether that was happy and celebratory or angry and ready to light the world on fire, alcohol was always there to help elevate whatever state of mind I was in. I used alcohol like most people I know use alcohol, as a social crutch that has become so ingrained, the actuality of it becomes invisible. Most of the time when I would start drinking, I would do so without even asking myself if I wanted to drink. I just did it as a reflex. Because that’s what we do, we are creatures of habit. We are human. So, with that, take a breath. The first step in handling this, as you said, is recognizing that you are human and there is no one right way to be human. We all have our own journeys. Cliché, yes, but true.
I appreciate you telling me that you do not consider yourself an alcoholic, but that the concern is more the habit/crutch of your use. I understand this. We do not have to be a textbook case alcoholic to qualify for questioning our use of alcohol. There are no rules that state if you don’t have a drinking problem, you don’t have to worry about problems that stem from drinking.
Let me say this in another way and something I have been saying from the beginning - You do not have to have a drinking problem for drinking to cause problems. The black-and-white way of thinking that it’s zero-to-alcoholic with no middle ground is negating so many people who would like to have the freedom to question their own choices with alcohol without automatically being labeled something they may or may not want.
Decision-making is a habit. The more good decisions you make, the easier they become. – James Clear
If it’s true that we can have a habit of drinking, it is then true that we can have the habit of not drinking. And it starts by calling it out. Do you really need to drink? Why are you drinking? Talk these reasons out, either to yourself (journaling is great) or even better to a safe friend or partner. By calling it out verbally, you are making your concerns real and not diminishing them by staying silent and just drinking until the guilt goes away. And that feeling we have when we know deep down we are doing something not good for us is guilt. It’s the exact feeling of what going against self-trust feels like in action. When we acknowledge the behavior (habit) we want to change and start making consistent choices in favor of those changes, we start trusting ourselves. And that feeling of self-trust is everything. The more we build on our self-trust by making better choices, the more often we will want to make those types of choices. Honoring our word feels empowering, and I don’t think many other feelings compare to that sense of empowerment.
To summarize:
Write it out. What are you feeling? What do you want to feel?
Why are you drinking? List your reasons and then analyze if those reasons hold up. It can be as simple as this (for example): I am drinking because I am stressed out. What else can you do to ease stress? Girl, there are other ways to deal with stress besides drinking. You will decipher real quick what a reason is vs what an excuse is.
What is one small change you can make right now? Take the responsibility and put it in your lap. This is your life and your responsibility; only you get to make these choices.
Talk it out with a real person. Put it out there into the world that you would like to stop drinking. Set up some sort of accountability. Even if it’s just being accountable for questioning it right now.
Find others who are doing the thing. Surround yourself with them, whether it’s online, in books, on a podcast, or in person. I found seeking out inspiring people to be a game changer when it came to shifting my perspective around alcohol.
Action. We can think, write, and talk about what we want all day long, but nothing, NO THING will change until we take action.
Thank you for reaching out with this question. Not surprisingly, when I get to engage with someone like this, it helps me at the same time. It allows space for me to tap into how freaking grateful I am for having made this lifestyle choice. I am endlessly in awe of that strong 39-year-old who was brave enough to start asking questions. Right now you are at that pivotal moment too….KEEP GOING!
XX
Mia
