The Sober Glow Studio is an extension of what was started on social media circa 2016. As I have evolved, the topics I cover have naturally evolved. Here, I provide stories, recommendations, and resources on the art of living an alcohol-free lifestyle, navigating midlife, and anything that simply feels good.
I lived in NYC for twenty years, ten of which were spent in the East Village. I worked in a hospital on the Upper East Side, so once my 13-hour shift ended, I’d pack up my backpack and start the 3.2-mile walk home. I would typically listen to music or catch up on a podcast unless it was a bad day, in which case, I would walk those miles in silence. I loved how those walks would transition me from work mode to chill mode. There is nothing better than walking NYC through all the seasons. From the first spring breezes to the cold, damp, and dirty days - ahh, I miss that experience so much. Anyway, the one thing I wouldn’t do on those walks was think about drinking. But as I turned the corner on my street, instead of walking directly to my apartment building, I would cut short a few doors and walk right into the liquor store. I vividly remember how that store smelled, and I can still hear the bells above the door jingle as I entered. I walked towards the back, past a few rows of wine crates, turned right, and there, I would grab the Marc West Pinot Noir and double back to the checkout. Then it was out the door, past two more shops, and I would get to my door, bottle in hand. Up four flights of stairs, kick off the shoes, throw the backpack, grab a bottle opener, and within 2 minutes, I was taking my first sip of the Pinot Noir.
The thing is, I never once stopped to ask myself, "Do I want to drink tonight?" I never thought about it or gave myself a yes or a no. I just did it—the whole thing: walk home, walk in and out of the liquor store, walk the stairs, open the bottle, pour, and imbibe without a conscious choice.
I never gave this pattern a second thought until long after I had quit drinking. It was so recognizable to me after the fact that I actually laughed at the simple absurdity of it all. What was I thinking? - well, that’s the rub, I wasn’t thinking. I was in motion. A motion of a pattern becoming habituated. Period.
Once our habits become automatic, we stop paying attention to what we are doing.
And the more you repeat these patterns, the less likely you become to question what you’re doing and why you’re doing it.
- James Clear
We can create or break a habit, but the first step is awareness. We must recognize our patterns and habits before changing them and ourselves.
Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.
- Carl Jung
How did I break the habit of drinking? Well, I started recognizing my patterns. Or rather, the consequences of my patterns started screaming at me. And the above example was just one pattern of many patterns of drinking I had at that time in my life.
Q: What are your patterns? How or why did you drink? Did you do it consciously or unconsciously? What were your consequences? Do you think that drinking can be a habit, just like the habit of smoking or the habit of biting your nails? Or the habit of picking up your phone 47 times an hour?
Chapter 4 of Atomic Habits by James Clear
Over time, the cues that spark our habits become so common that they are essentially invisible: the treats on the kitchen counter, the remote control next to the couch, the phone in our pocket. Our responses to these cues are so deeply encoded that it may feel like the urge to act comes from nowhere. For the reason, we must begin the process of behavior change with awareness.
Q: What do you believe were the cues in your life that led you to drink? Or the cues that lead you to continue drinking?
For years, I have been sharing my opinion that it’s the best (non-quit-lit) quit-lit book out there, and I have wanted to rip into this book with this community since I started writing on this platform. As you can tell, I have read, reread, noted, marked up, and used the hell out of this book. So grab a copy, and let’s discuss.
My intention is to align the key points in the book with how we create habits and patterns around our own alcohol use and disuse.
Again, if you want a quit-lit book that will ignite momentum…..this is it!
XX, M