THE ART OF LIVING AN ALCOHOL-FREE LIFESTYLE

Tip: #11 Take the Time to Find Out Who You Are (and who you are not).

THE ART OF LIVING AN ALCOHOL-FREE LIFESTYLE

A series of one-off tips served with some straight talk, a bit of sass, and a penchant for not taking oneself or life too seriously.

Tip # 11: Take the Time to Find Out Who You Are (and who you are not).

Each time I "quit" drinking (until the final time), I told everyone about it. Deep down, I knew I wouldn't truly quit, but I hoped it would stick if I told enough people. It didn't.

Sept 9th, 2015, was the last day I drank alcohol. Two coronas, in fact. Nothing crazy. Nothing to write a memoir about. I was just done. But I had been using alcohol to either become someone or to check out from being someone every time I used it. Whether I knew this or not, it's what was happening. We don't drink to become more ourselves. We drink to become who we want and/or hope to be. Does it always work out for us? Maybe, sometimes? Yes and No. I can only speak for myself, but I don't think it worked well for me. Of course, it elevated some great aspects of my personality, and I had a lot of fun with many people. Still, sometimes, it would elevate or create less-than-desirable behaviors, such as anger, jealousy, judgment, and just plain rudeness. I don't have to tell anyone that alcohol makes us say, do, and think things we typically would not normally do, but it not only changes us in the moment of drinking, it can also change us overall. We have done it ourselves, and we have witnessed it in others as well. And that's the uncomfortable truth. Alcohol changes us. It takes us out of who we truly are. We are no longer in alignment when we drink.

Taking the time to find out who you really are inside is not easy. It takes time. I didn’t wake up on Sept 10th and feel confident, strong, and trusting in my skin. Nor did I think I would ever love getting eight hours of sleep and saying no to 99% of the invitations I received. I didn’t suddenly have faith in myself, my marriage, and all my friendships. I didn’t recognize the magnitude of my job. I didn’t want or actively seek out meaningful connections with women. I didn’t desire to be friendly and welcoming. I certainly didn’t want to be vulnerable or understand that I could have a baseline of happiness. When drinking, I was the snappy, outgoing, outrageous, fun, loud, life of the party, zero fucks, go first with everything kind of alpha girl. I was more the friend you turned to when you wanted to break up with your boyfriend instead of the friend who could offer you a voice of reason.

It took time to find out who this Mia was and is without the social lubricant of alcohol. It also took time for my moods to even out. It took time to align the inner Mia with the outer Mia. Even eight years out, I am still learning what I want for myself and how much I am willing to give to others. I have learned boundaries. I have created a shit-ton of new relationships and, unfortunately, had to cut some off. These are learned skills I was never open to or really knew how to navigate before.

When I quit this last time, I took my time in telling people. I wanted the space to find out if it would stick, but more importantly, I needed to find out who I was without this crutch. We all know the person who quits something and goes balls to the wall in the opposite direction and annoys the hell out of everyone around them, only to disappear back into the thing they initially quit. I did not want to be that person. Not this time, not ever.

I created an energy around me and my choice by taking my time. When people learned of this choice, they could feel I was serious. I wasn’t looking for permission, nor was I looking for applause. My energy was one of I’ve got this, we’re cool. I, Mia, showed up. Even in the beginning, when I was learning all this (I still am), my energy was clear and clean with where I was at and where I was heading.

One of the best ways to learn who you are is to discover who you are not. I no longer have the bandwidth to make others’ actions about me. When people around me (friends, strangers, anyone) are angry, disrespectful, judgmental, flaky, gossiping, or have terrible attitudes and energy, that’s on them. That is not me, nor does it have anything to do with me. It’s taken me a very long time to untangle myself from other people’s energy so I can stand on my own. Learning this has been one of my greatest lessons in the school of becoming myself and living an alcohol-free lifestyle.