THE ART OF LIVING AN ALCOHOL-FREE LIFESTYLE

Tip: # 06 Stop romanticizing your drinking

THE ART OF LIVING AN ALCOHOL-FREE LIFESTYLE

A series of one-off tips served with some straight talk, a bit of sass, and a penchant for not taking oneself or life too seriously.

It’s a mood.

Tip # 06: Stop romanticizing your drinking.

This September will mark eight years of not drinking. Eight years of saying no thank you and carrying on. And for the most part, nothing truly triggers me to want to drink again. However, long before I quit drinking, my ability to romanticize the shit out of my drinking lifestyle kept me drinking longer than I should have. Those lovely daydreams of how my life was, how I was showing up, how I looked and felt, who I thought I was portraying, and how people saw me, all it was, was me romanticizing and glamorizing my life so I could continue living the lifestyle that was actually, in reality, terrible for me.

I am sure you know what I am talking about. Whether you quit years ago, are still considering it, or somehow mistakenly found yourself on this substack, you have probably done it yourself at some time. We are brilliant at making shitty situations seem great. Now, granted, not all drinking is shitty. But if I actually stood back and saw what was happening at the time, I would have seen that my little fantasy was nowhere near reality.

In my mind, I was a happy-go-lucky party girl who had it all together. I was living the quintessential lifestyle of Carrie from Sex In The City. I was surrounded by my girlfriends, eating and drinking and flirting my way through the ultimate city. Tormented in an oh-so-fashionable and hip way. I didn’t know anything different. I certainly didn’t have any friends or even know of any women who didn’t drink alcohol. We were all in the same boat. I never knew I had a choice to do otherwise.

It wasn’t until after I stopped that I realized my problem with romanticizing my drinking. I learned the story I was playing out in my head was rarely, if ever, what actually took place. I always thought an evening out would be magical. Seriously, I loved going out into the unknown and letting the city guide me. It was the fantasy of going into a bar, meeting some fantastic people, and having an unforgettable and legendary NYC night. And to be fair, I had a ton of fun, more than my fair share, quite honestly. But I also got into a shit ton of trouble. My behavior was not always the best. I got myself into predicaments that could have (thank my guardians above) been tragic. I ruined friendships. I never took my education seriously, even though I was putting myself through it. And I did things and made choices I would never have, had I not been drinking. But I never actually saw my drinking like that. In fact, I never really looked at my drinking or even considered my drinking to be the issue at hand. Any problem I had clearly was due to some other outside factor and couldn’t possibly be the alcohol. At those times, when my back was against the wall, I would double down on the glamorization of it all. And the vicious cycle would continue.

In the past, my number one trigger that would make me consider drinking again and fall into romanticizing the idea of it was always summertime in NYC. All the windows of the bars and restaurants are open. The smell of Sancerre or any white wine, frankly. The music that would be playing loudly and the sound of laughter and people being wild and happy filled the city air. That’s what got me. Because I thought that if I were one of them, I would experience being carefree, which in turn would make me feel the feeling I was always searching for, freedom.

But in reality, what would happen is I would start my night (or day) looking and feeling great. I would end up in some fancy place with friends, and after a few cocktails, things would get a little less fancy. We would get sloppy. I would start acting ridiculous. Inevitably someone would lose something or get upset with someone, or start fighting with their partner. Then we would begin bumming cigarettes off of strangers while making small talk. More bars, more people, more undesirable choices. Then eventually, I would make it home, eat like shit, and go to bed unkempt, just to wake up a few hours later with uncontrollable anxiety and thirst and be massively hungover. And the worst part of this reality would be seeing myself in the bathroom mirror and being forced to see what my romantic idea of drinking actually looked like. It wasn’t great.

So here’s the actual tip. I have no idea where I learned this, but the idea is that whenever we find ourselves daydreaming or romanticizing and glamorizing our drinking, we should stop and play it out. Play out how the night will go after one drink, after two, after three, and so on. Who are you with at the beginning of the night? Who are you with at the end? How do you feel? How do you feel when you get home? How do you feel the next morning? Now ask yourself, is your idea of what you think will happen actually be what happens if you do go out and drink?

“Playing it out” is a simple yet very powerful tool when you start entertaining doing something that isn’t necessarily the best thing.

xx,

Mia