THE ART OF LIVING AN ALCOHOL-FREE LIFESTYLE
Tip #15 - Make Friends with the Quiet.
THE ART OF LIVING AN ALCOHOL-FREE LIFESTYLE
A series of one-off tips served with some straight talk, a bit of sass, and a penchant for not taking oneself or life too seriously.
Tip # 15: Make Friends with the Quiet.
We can all benefit from the quiet. However, for many of us, the quiet scares the shit out of us and can make us highly uncomfortable for reasons typically unknown.Â
Historically, I would do anything to avoid this quiet. Anything from having the TV on in the background (even while sleeping) or listening to something or someone every moment throughout the day. While exercising, commuting, showering, washing dishes, and even at work, there was always added noise to my environment.
Being an only child to a single mama will teach any kid how lonely a quiet home can feel. It also taught me how to entertain myself so I didn’t feel lonely. Like TV. As a kid, that TV was on if I was inside the house. And that habit moved into my adult life. Some people are gutted by the constant sound of a TV in the background. But that sound was soothing to me, whether I was paying attention to it or not. I needed it to distract me from my aloneness.
As a young adult working in the NYC nightlife, I always had someone willing to go out day or night, and NYC was waiting to hold me in its noise. I learned pretty quickly that drinking was one of the easiest ways to avoid both my external and internal environments.
When I quit drinking, the TV noise kicked back on for a bit. And when that wasn’t enough, social media was right there waiting, dying for my attention.
So, I started practicing silence. Literally, I would purposely force myself to sit in silence without my phone, TV, book, or whatever. I started meditating. I started journaling. I started taking tech-free walks. I challenged myself to address the silence head-on. Slowly, I began to get comfortable with it. Then, oddly, I started craving it. And I realized that all those years, I wasn’t seeking noise; I was seeking the ability to be comfortable with myself.
But that outside world is addictive, and it can quickly suck us in and destroy our ability to sit with ourselves and all the other negatives that go along with being addicted to outside noise and our phones, and our need to be checking something. Which is simply behavior that clocks us out of our quiet.
Think of all the life we miss out on when we are unable to sit with ourselves. All the self-inquiry that never evolves. All the answers that go undiscovered. All the creativity that is lost. All that possibility, gone.
So learn to make friends with the quiet. Invite yourself to explore within. Notice all the ways you may be avoiding it. It wasn’t until I started actively practicing being quiet that I embodied the benefits. We can read and talk about how nourishing it is for us, but it truly is one of those things that can only be fully appreciated and understood when experienced firsthand.
Q’s
Do you find the quiet uncomfortable? Why or why not?
What are some things you do to avoid the quiet?
What are some things you do to avoid being alone?
What do you think will happen if you sit in your silence?
What is the narrative you have around the quiet?
A fellow only child with a single mama. I love being alone, but also sooth myself with TV and food (no longer the alcohol!) and have since I was an 8 yr old latchkey kid. And I see the correlation between my addiction to alcohol and my addiction to eating while watching TV. My awareness is helpful as I slowly and patiently put this pattern into check. Eating without the distraction is my next step and your words validate this. My word(s) for the this year and peace and pain. The first one is for my in breath and the second one is the release of my out breath.
Cooking has never been an interest of mine. It has always felt like a chore or like how some people feel about going to the dentist. I am grateful that my husband is a great cook however he doesn't always have the time. I've gotten better over the years (at cooking) but my attitude about cooking hasn't changed (chuckle). This year my word(s) are listening, surrendering (to the Universe) and deeper connections, silence being the main ingredient. I have told myself that cooking, doing dishes, laundry or any of those other mundane tasks are a perfect place to start with silence so that I can listen and connect to the inner voice.
Thank you for sharing! I just absolutely love the way you write and the stories/inspiration that you share! xo Jenni Harmon