Revisiting this season of life.
Because I am asked about it every single day.
The Sober Glow Studio is an extension of what was started on social media circa 2016. As I have evolved, the topics I cover have naturally evolved. Here, I provide stories, recommendations, and resources on the art of living an alcohol-free lifestyle, navigating health & midlife, and anything that simply feels good.
I am a 47-year-old woman who was told after my very first emergency room visit at the age of 37(?) that I likely had endometriosis. Only after laparoscopic surgery was it not only confirmed but was deemed “as bad as it gets” via my surgeon. Learning this, I did the best that I could to avoid any further complications. But anyone who has dealt with endometriosis knows that sometimes there is literally nothing you can do. I found myself on the surgical table once again, only this time, I lost my right ovary and fallopian tube. I was told then that my left ovary would pick up where the other one left off. But that surgeon left out the word maybe. As in, maybe your left ovary will pick up where the other one left off.
So, in hindsight, I should not have been surprised when I started having perimenopausal symptoms in my early (which apparently is not uncommon) forties. But I was blindsided, shocked, and embarrassed.
But here I am, a 47-year-old woman who is absolutely in perimenopause. I have zero shame around this (now), and I hope that sharing what I have learned and who I have learned it from will help other women feel empowered through this season of life. Because if you are lucky enough to experience perimenopause and menopause, it means you are not dead.
I like to make choices that move the needle in life. I know that no amount of money spent at Sephora will “fix” me. Botox will not reverse what a face and neck look like with declining estrogen. And sticking our heads in the sand will not make aging stop or go away.
The only thing that is truly anti-aging is death. So, I am 100% on board with learning facts about this season of life and not living in fear or denial. The older I get, the less f*cks I give what others think and the more f*cks I give about myself, my health, and how I feel in my own skin.
At the beginning of 2023, I created a series of newsletters on midlife. Because this conversation is only becoming more and more popular, and I still hear from people regarding questions about what I shared personally, I want to continue the conversation. I am resharing the entire series today with some takeaways from each newsletter. Not all of them are open to all, but due to a lot of personal information I disclose, I chose to keep most behind the paywall. This feels better for me because it is more intimate in nature.
Each of the nine newsletters is FULL of education and information with experts, resources, sources, and endless rabbit holes. I did not hold back.
MIDLIFE PART 1: The basics + anecdotal experience.
Is there a test to check if you are in perimenopause or menopause? Short answer, No. Generally speaking, if you are in your 40s and having symptoms (some listed below), you don’t necessarily need your hormones checked. There is no diagnosing test other than the lack of a menstrual cycle for 365 days. Dr. Jen Gunter, in her book The Menopause Manifesto, compares this inquiry to teenagers and puberty. If they are of a certain age and acting a certain way, we don’t need to check their hormones to confirm they are in puberty. This analogy made sense to me - but also, I am one who is always asking for hormone level checks (more on this later).
MIDLIFE PART 2: Seven things I wish I would have known.
I didn’t have anyone in my life talking about this. Of course, as I was a bit older, there was the occasional co-worker who would sit at her desk with a fan, talking about her annoying hot flashes. And I certainly will never forget the 1-2 years when my sweet mother would consistently call me up, and before I had my ear to the receiver, I could hear her yelling at me for no apparent reason. My husband and I would eventually start to understand and laugh off this behavior as her going through the change, only because his mother started doing the same. It wasn’t till several years later that my mom would even admit to this behavior as having been going through “it.”
So in my life, “menopause” (mind you, not perimenopause, because at the time and with the little knowledge I had, it was all one thing) looked like older women with hot flashes, screaming at their kids. And that was it.
MIDLIFE PART 3 Let's get radically honest about our lifestyle choices.
I share this with you because I want you to know that I was never someone who knew what to do or how to do it when it came to resistance training. I found it overwhelming and intimidating. It took me until the age of 45 to understand exactly how imperative weight training is for middle-aged women. Even as someone with a medical background and having studied the human body as a yoga instructor, I still had to hire someone to tell me what to do. So wherever you are on this journey, it’s never too late. If you have the ability to hire someone to teach you, I highly recommend it. However, it’s not imperative by any means. It just takes the ability to want to learn and the action steps to get there.
She is making waves in the fasting world. She not only talks about daily fasting (IF), but she is also educating women on longer type fasts. For our purposes, I am only focusing on daily intermittent fasting. She has cleared up the conversation around fasting and perimenopause for me and had me looking at it with a new perspective. I learned I can IF at this stage if I know when and why I am doing it.
In order to make intermittent fasting work, you have to know when to do it and when not to do it, with regard to your menstrual cycle.
The good news, there is science! Nothing I share here is willy-nilly. Each of the herbs/supplements have evidence-based research behind them. I will share my sources (always) and who and where I turn to when wanting to learn more. I will also share places where you can purchase quality products, from tinctures, powders, pills, mushrooms, potions, and beyond. If and when you decide to try the herbs/supplements listed here, it is your responsibility to make sure there are no contraindications in any way for your body. Nothing offered here should be confused as medical advice.
from …19 things that may spark those feel-good feelings.
Enjoy this free yoga nidra class with Tracee Stanley. Author of Radiant Rest, Yoga Nidra for Deep Relaxation and Awakened Clarity.
I teach this breath practice to all my anxious patients. It works wonders on their stress levels and their blood pressure.
18 Women of Color on What “Self-Care” Looks Like in the Age of Isolation.
MIDLIFE PART 4
It wasn’t until I was neck-deep in perimenopause and hormone hell that I came across the work of the World Health Initiative. Or should I say all of the work that the WHI got wrong? Really wrong. I was shocked and suddenly aware of my own bias when it came to three little words - hormone replacement therapy. And it dawned on me that this study was where my truly uneducated but passed down (not dissimilar to an old wives tale) bias had come from.
The reason I really want to dig into this is that I personally had no idea why I, like most women I’ve noticed, shudder when the topic of HRT is talked about. Not because I knew anything about it, but on some subconscious level, it had been ingrained in me that HRT unequivocally equals a future with cancer.
B: A podcast not to be missed, HRT options + my own anecdotal ups and downs.
Further reading of this email, you will find more must-read books, a long list of HRT options with pros, cons, and considerations, some key FDA information, a different way of looking at and understanding stats, and the personal choices I have made while in this phase of life with all the ups and downs of getting to where I am now, which is feeling really good.
MIDLIFE PART 5: Women and Alcohol + Resources
I am not one to look back with regret, and I am not the type to focus on what I wish I would have done or not done. I quit drinking at the age of 39. Should I have stopped at an earlier age? Maybe, maybe not. I quit when I quit, and that's all that matters. I am here now because of the steps I took at age 39. Had I quit earlier, well, that's just a game of "sliding doors."
Who the hell knows where I would be had I quit drinking alcohol at any time other than when I did.
What I can say now is I am so proud of that 39-year-old gal who had the ability to quit before entering the shitstorm of peri-menopause.
If you are currently struggling with perimenopause or menopause or would like to know more but do not have the means to become a paid subscriber, please reply to this email, and I will happily add you for free.
I didn’t quit drinking until after I’d gone through the menopause. I was in peri menopause for about 10 years from my early forties. It was like pushing water uphill dealing with the symptoms, not realising the extent to which drinking was exacerbating them and then finally making the decision to go on HRT. I was resistance training throughout this time and my nutrition was in the main good. So I thought being fit, eating well and then going on HRT would take care of everything. But, it wasn’t until I quit drinking I really got to a place of inner peace and physically feeling well. Alcohol was the rock I didn’t want to look under but thank goodness I got to a place where I accepted it wasn’t serving me at all and I walked away from it. Never once through those years of talking to medical professionals about my peri menopause symptoms was I ever asked about my relationship with alcohol. This really is something that needs to change to help women through this period of their life. I knew alcohol wasn’t good for me per se but I had no idea of the impact it was having on my mood and anxiety let alone the increased cancer risk. Here in the UK it is barely mentioned, you have to go and educate yourself.
Thank you for sharing all of this with your community. I turn 46 tomorrow and reading this offering makes me feel empowered (not overwhelmed) with aging.
I have said (more than once) that my 40s have been my favorite decade so far. I have friends who look at me like I’m crazy. But I feel it’s the closest I’ve come to figuring myself out. Still working on that (!) but I care more about me and less about what the world thinks of me - which is so refreshing after being a perpetual people pleaser.
This perimenopause is a new land for me but I’m getting my footing. I agree that there needs to be way more conversations about how to navigate these years with confidence and community.
I will come back to this piece again, I am sure. Thank you, Mia 🙏🏼