Vol 2.32 POV: My partner took a break from drinking
And a friendly reminder to be careful what you wish for
The Sober Glow Studio is an extension of what was started on social media circa 2016. As I have evolved, the topics I cover have naturally evolved. Here, I provide stories, recommendations, and resources on the art of living an alcohol-free lifestyle, navigating health & midlife, and anything that simply feels good.
Throughout the years, I have been asked a handful of questions over and over. Some of those FAQs were something along the lines of - Does your partner drink, how does it affect you, and how do you deal with it?
I have answered these questions many times, but now that my partner has since quit drinking, or at least taken a break from drinking (1+ years), my answer is, of course, different.
Here is how I answered in 2017 when he was still drinking:
One of the questions I am often asked is “Does your husband drink?” and the short answer is Yes.
Yes, but his story changed as well, just at a different rate. Where I was a cold turkey, that’s it, no more, he was a slow burn. Not once have I ever told him to stop, slow does or question him in any way. I let him do his thing and he watched me do mine. His change was natural and organic. He saw the difference in me and my life and he naturally started to drink less and less and become more aware of how he was feeling when he did drink.
Btw, I have his full permission to say all of this.
He was a maniac, a full blown man’s man, maniac. He was a fraternity brother, whiskey slugging, first one in, last one out , leader of the pack kind of guy. Now things are different. his drinking now is “adult”. I don’t remember the last time I saw him drunk. If and when he does drink, it’s a few. He drinks now the way I wish I would have drank. He can take it or leave it, but he mostly leaves it.
His progression was surprising to many, but we have to remember as women, we are the leaders in our home. We set the mood. We create the fire or the ice and our men follow our lead. If I know anything, I know I can’t push him or tell him what he can and can not do.
I can only do my thing.
Us women can only do our thing.
Be soft and open the door for them.
They will choose whether or not to walk through.
Today is Feb 16th, 2024, and my husband has not had alcohol since Super Bowl Sunday, Feb 12th, 2023. For those of you who may have seen on IG this week, I posted that he and I were going to sit down and record his thoughts on his drinking over the years, his choice not to drink, and what the future holds for him. I also asked everyone on IG to send me any questions they would like answered while we were recording. Today I am going to answer a few questions that were directed towards me. Next week, our recording will be about Joe’s perspective.
HOW DID YOU HANDLE RESENTMENT WHEN HE WAS DRINKING, AND YOU WEREN’T?
This implies that I felt resentment, so to be clear, I never once felt resentment towards Joe when he drank after I quit. Now, I know it could be very easy for someone to feel resentment towards their partner, and there are other times I have felt resentment or even envy towards him, but when it comes to his drinking and my choice not to, I don’t have any resentment towards him. Why? Because I am fully connected to the reason why I quit drinking in the first place and that it was 100% my decision. I am someone who takes responsibility quite easily, so my choice to quit was purely on me. The only person who could change my mind or my perspective on this choice would be me and only me.
I think having resentment towards another comes from not trusting in yourself and not taking responsibility for yourself and your choice not to drink. And that doesn’t change no matter what your reason for quitting is. When you hold resentment, you are also putting the responsibility of your life on someone else. In the big picture, you are the only person responsible for your life and how you live it. You get all the good and the bad that goes along with this. The accolades for not drinking and the shit-talking for not drinking. You get to reap the benefits of not being hungover, and unfortunately, you get to deal with others being assholes. But your choice to drink or not drink is up to you. Your choice to be around drinkers or isolate from them is up to you. Your choice to judge/resent them or not is also up to you.
All of this is up to you. How we act and react is what will create a new beautiful life or potentially destroy one.