My Eleventh Summer Sans Alcohol
Plus my sober summer starter pack
My first full summer spent without alcohol was 2016. Justin Timberlake dropped Can't Stop the Feeling and Calvin Harris and Rihanna had This Is What You Came For, two songs that fit perfectly with how I was feeling. I not only turned 40 that summer, but it was also my very first summer and adult (-ish) birthday without a single lick of alcohol. A stat that at the time was a massive accomplishment, considering I had been drinking since I was 14/15ish and would have never considered not drinking on my birthday or any hot weekend summer night, for that matter.
Summertime is historically when I come alive. Having grown up in the Midwest with long-ass winters and summers that were much too short, I squeezed in as much as I could those three months of the year. This habit still lives very much inside of me, even though I now live in a perpetually sunny, warm climate. To my system, summer is still summer. Anyone who lives in a climate with four seasons will likely understand this.
The warm sunny months are when my romance with alcohol would kick in. As a teenager/young adult, it meant I was strapping on my lifeguard swimsuit and whistle during the day and packing up the beer coolers for a night with all my friends around a campfire somewhere in the woods.
But my summer romance with alcohol never hit harder or looked rosier than when I was visiting my new boyfriend (of four whole dates) in NYC for the weekend. It was the Puerto Rican Day Parade, the city was all kinds of wild and fun, and we had just spent a wonderful weekend together. We were sitting outside a cafe on the UES, when he asked me to move in with him for the summer before I returned to MN for school. I don’t remember ever saying yes or even the details. I just remember moving in the following weekend.
Impulsive, yes, but the real push behind that seemingly irresponsible choice was the undeniable romance of living in NYC and all the fun I would have and all the people I would meet. And of course, all the partying and spontaneity and wildness of it all. I lived for that shit. The boy didn’t make it much further than the fall, but that impulsive decision turned into a twenty-year love affair with the greatest city in the world and the place I will always call home.
That was June 1998, and every summer after, not only would my spark come alive, but the entire city would, too. There was nothing like it when the weather finally changed for good, and all the doors and windows of the city's bars and restaurants were opened wide, with the welcoming sounds of people laughing, cheering, and clinking their glasses in celebration. Central Park became a bustling hotspot for meet-ups and loungy rosé-filled afternoons. Every day fashion became skimpy and sexy under the hot, humid sun. And when it was too hot to handle, the city seemed to pile into cars or trains in search of solace at a nearby sandy beach with a breezy reprieve coming off the Atlantic. The electricity of that feeling was unmatched. And I lived it to the fullest.
No matter how romantic or fun at times, the drinking cycle kept things very much rinse-and-repeat.
Cut to 2016, my first sober summer in NYC or ever. I was thrilled about how good I was feeling. My two main focuses were on strengthening my body and my marriage. My new 9-to-5 nursing gig left me with a lot of free time each day before and after work to care for both. I moved my ability to romanticize alcohol and that lifestyle to romanticizing adventure by making a mid-winter purchase of a 12’6 paddleboard in hopes of racing it that summer. Long story short, it didn’t pan out, and it took four years to recover from a torn rotator injury. But I learned that there was a lot more to life and to NYC summers than drinking white wine and feeling like crap every weekend morning. Was the lesson worth the pain of that injury? Hell yes.
What came from that first summer was a lot of free time and a willingness to explore my curiosities. While yes, I have always been a seeker and perpetual learner, drinking, partying, and nursing hangovers took up a ton of time and left me with little to no motivation to try a lot of new things. It’s funny/not funny how a simple liquid can take away so much time and make everything seem ok to start or do or try, someday just not today.
When we remove alcohol (or whatever may be holding us back), life opens up, and the choices are truly endless. So much so, it can be overwhelming. And that’s when we must get quiet and organize our thoughts to prioritize what we want and desire in life. Alcohol tends to dictate what we do in life, so when it’s gone, there is all that space to play in. And there is no better season in which to simply play.
Systematic Curiosity as an Integrative Tool for Human Flourishing: A Conceptual Review and Framework. By Anne-Laure Le Cunff.
This paper reviews seventy years of theoretical research and proposes systematic curiosity as an integrative tool for human flourishing with a focus on four key aspects: firstly, acknowledge curiosity’s multidimensional nature instead of harmonizing its complex taxonomy; secondly, emphasizing intentional curiosity as opposed to impulsive curiosity; thirdly, prioritizing domain general curiosity for broader applicability across educational, organizational, and therapeutic settings; and lastly, focusing on curiosity as a developable skill rather than an innate trait. By segmenting systematic curiosity into cognitive, emotional, and behavioral components, and relating these to interactions with the self, others, and the world, the framework aims to apply across the spectrum of human experience. Furthermore, the frame-work encourages an exploration of various evidence-based activities for flourishing so individuals can discover the most suitable strategies for their specific context.
Did I lose ya?
This is how I am summing this study up, stay curious and play more. But do it in a way that truly sparks an interest and not just randomly. Sit down, think about the things you like and want and go from there. Be a bit strategic, in the least strategic way possible. This has nothing to do with what other people like and what they are doing. This is all about cultivating your interests that are intentional and multidimensional.
Here’s what I am playing with this summer.
I just wrapped up a photography course and have a new camera and lens to learn and play with. I love lifestyle photography and am excited to explore storytelling through the lens. We will see where it takes me over the summer. And I just signed up for shuffle dance classes. This one I am doing alone and in the privacy of my own home. It’s so silly, and I am so bad, and I love, love, love it. These moves will never see the light of day, but my smile most certainly will.
And I am most looking forward to planning my 90s themed birthday weekend away with all my childhood friends. To turn the ripe ol’ age of 50 and to be surrounded by the faces of all the kids with whom I grew up….utterly priceless.
