Meet Dana Leigh Lyons

Community Q&A - Alcohol Free Lifestyle

Last week, I was inspired to write a set of Q&As for this community to participate in. Straight away, I heard from

Dana Leigh Lyons

of

Sober Soulful

and I was thrilled to see her excitement about it. I love enthusiastic people; it makes me happy to be around that energy, and I am happy to share it here with you all.

If you would like to share your perspective on aging or alcohol-free living (or both) fill out the Q&A and send it on over to Hello@thesoberglow.com.

If you are an avid fan of sobriety substacks, you may already know Dana. She singlehandedly put together a laundry list of all the substacks on sobriety, addiction, and recovery. It’s pretty brilliant, and I have referenced it in other newsletters. As of May 7th, she lists 123 substacks in this category. Wild!

Dana Leigh Lyons

Tell us your first name, age, and where you live.

Dana Leigh Lyons, 49. I currently live in Nova Scotia but am moving to Cambodia this June.

Where are you on your sober journey? (For example, sober curious, sober serious, California sober, other, no label, etc.)

I’ve been sober (alcohol-free) since February 11, 2020.

What scared you the most about becoming a non-drinker? What excites you now?

For a few years before quitting alcohol, my consumption was limited to wine with dinner. As sad as this sounds, having “wine with dinner” was the highlight of each day and helped me get through the day—anticipating those few moments of relief. I feared giving that up. I feared life would feel flat and I’d never feel joy again.

Thankfully, I was wrong! I did miss drinking wine with dinner—especially the first few months. But now, I don’t miss it or even think about it. I look forward to my dinners without alcohol, and I’ve discovered the same sort of ease and relief just by eating slowly, in silence, while reading something I enjoy.

Turns out, my overall level of joy, contentment, confidence, and inner peace increased exponentially after quitting alcohol. Plus, I experience far less anxiety and depression.

What does it look like when you are kind and nourishing to yourself?

My daily routines are sacrosanct and non-negotiable. This was true even before getting sober, but in sobriety, I savor these routines more fully. Yoga, meditation, writing, eating nourishing meals, and plenty of time in solitude and silence feature prominently.

How do you spend your free time? Or the time that you used to spend drinking or recovering from drinking?

I’m still addicted to working and “getting things done.” This was the case before getting sober and is still the case now; I spend a lot of time working, seven days a week. But also, I’ve built a livelihood that centers things I love: writing, sober community, and Chinese Medicine. I also practice yoga at least two hours every day, including a 90-minute live class with a beautiful community. And I read fiction for at least an hour before bed.

What’s the coolest thing you’ve done as a non-drinker?

I feel really excited about my newsletter: Sober Soulful. The connections I’ve made there, along with daily conversations with folks who are sober or considering sobriety, fill and nourish my heart. None of that would exist if I was still drinking.

What is a narrative around sobriety that you would like to demolish?

You don’t have to hit some horrendous rock bottom to decide that alcohol is making your life small, dimming your brightness, and causing tremendous harm to body-mind-spirit. When I stopped drinking, I was drinking two glasses of wine a night—that’s it. And it was having a profoundly harmful effect on every aspect of my life and every relationship in my life.

What does socializing look like now for you?

Overall, I prefer an abundance of solitude. This was the case even before getting sober, but in sobriety I feel greater ease around it—like I don’t have to justify or feel bad for my preferences. I suspect being 49 comes into play here too. “No more fucks” and all that.

I do enjoy spending time with my partner and cats. And I go for walks along the beach with a dear friend. Many of my closest friends live thousands of miles away, but we stay connected online. And while I’m an extreme introvert offline, I’m quite extroverted on Substack, engaging with online community daily. (I’m off all other social media and deeply grateful for that.)

What is the best advice you’ve found to be the most useful? And/or the worst (laughable) advice.

I love Holly Whitaker’s wisdom about creating a life you don’t want to escape. I tune out folks who insist that recovery has to look the same for everyone or follow a specific program. Choose what works for you and helps you stay sober!

What is your favorite book to recommend?

For people who are responsive to hearing exactly what alcohol does to our body and mind in scientific terms, I recommend Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life. This book was pivotal in my decision to quit alcohol. It also helped me realize that drinking didn’t actually work to make me feel better—not even while drinking!

For people who are passionate about upending problematic cultural norms and bringing awareness to exploitative industries such as Big Alcohol, I recommend Quit Like A Woman: The Radical Choice To Not Drink In A Culture Obsessed With Alcohol, by Holly Whitaker.

And for those seeking a powerful, beautiful memoir about quitting alcohol, I recommend We Are the Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life, by Laura McKowen.

Those three books are my absolute favorite quit-lit reads. They make a powerful combination since they’re each so different yet complementary.

Share a favorite recipe. It can be food, a mocktail, or both.

Truthfully, I don’t really cook so much as throw simple, local ingredients together: eggs and meat from Farmer Ralph down the road, fresh veggies from the Saturday farmers market, plenty of grass-fed butter and sea salt.

Describe a day well spent.

I love days that are spacious, quiet, and inspired—with no rushing, no appointments or places to be, and an abundance of solitude, time in nature, yoga, and writing.

Ideally, the day begins by waking early without an alarm, followed by a breath and movement practice, a cold shower, and writing while sipping really good coffee. It ends with a delicious, simple, nourishing meal; evening yoga and meditation; quiet time with my partner and cats; and a captivating novel in bed. (Since getting sober, most days truly do start and end this way!)

Looking back, would you do anything different? Or in a different way?

Not all the time, but sometimes I regret creating an online identity and brand that revolves around sobriety in a super-prominent way. I’m immensely proud of my sobriety and would never want to hide that. But the things I think, feel, and write about go far beyond “being sober.” They’re about being human. More generally, I’ve been pulling away from the focus on self-identity and the expectation that we shove ourselves in labeled boxes.

What is your favorite way to regulate your nervous system? (aka, How do you chill the F out now?)

I start and end each day with yoga and meditation, plus have a yoga class in the afternoon. Without this, my nervous system would be in a radically different place. If something upsetting happens, another way I regulate is to take a walk in nature—either in the woods or along the beach. Back when I lived near a glacier-fed lake, I’d just jump in—that worked wonders!

What’s your advice to anyone who may be looking for inspiration to quit?

Rather than focus solely or primarily on what you’re giving up, think about what you’re gaining and pulling towards. Also focus on how you want to feel—not just in the moment, but when falling asleep that night, the day after, and beyond. Then ask: “Will alcohol ever deliver that feeling in a deep, lasting way? If not, what will?”

OPTIONAL: If you want people to connect with you more, leave your contact info, such as your IG/TIKTOK/Substack or email.

You can find me on Substack at Sober Soulful. You can also find my main website here.

Thank you again

Dana Leigh Lyons

for your beautiful perspective! And best wishes with your upcoming move to Cambodia.

XX, m