A note from Mia:
I will be answering the most frequently asked questions that I have received from readers over the years. These answers will be my take on an aspect of an alcohol-free life. At the beginning of this journey for me, I found that reading about other women living a well-lived life without alcohol was very helpful. My internal compass moves when inspired, so I hope that I can share some of that here. PLEASE remember that all answers come from my perspective and may not be the right answers for you.
*Questions on the bottom are for you.
Why did you create The Sober Glow ?
Plain and simple, my husband was tired of hearing me whine about not having any close girlfriends who didn't drink. He finally suggested that I join Bumble BFF. At first, I had no idea what he was talking about, but after he explained that it's pretty much a dating app but for friends, well, I nearly hit the floor with laughter. "No fucking way," I believe was my response. Trust me, the irony is not lost on me that I am now online, sharing parts of my life, connecting with and creating friendships with like-minded ladies. I guess that makes me the butt of the joke, but also, still winning!
Originally, I had been following a couple of IG accounts from my old IG and decided that I wanted to start sharing my story. There were very few accounts that were talking about sobriety from a perspective other than AA and recovery and I thought I could add to the conversation. Surprisingly, I found that I had a lot to say.
“There were very few accounts that were talking about sobriety from a perspective other than AA and recovery"
I didn't think my story was better or worse; it was just different. I also knew that my story was not uncommon. I knew firsthand of my friends' drinking habits, along with the many women in the wider circle that my husband and I were in.
Also, in this social media culture, I started noticing exactly how much the women around me were drinking. The partying was very much on display online. Same with the mommy juice jokes.
So I was very aware that I was not alone in the gray area of drinking. The only difference was, I felt like I just woke up to it all, and I knew that I had to start ringing the bell with the simple hope that others like me would hear.
“I knew that I had to start ringing the bell, with the simple hope that others like me would hear"
I'll never forget my first @theSoberGlow post. It was a picture taken on the morning of my 40th birthday. I was on my first sober birthday in Bermuda, wearing a t-shirt that said "Teetotaler" with the caption: "Proud mother***ing TEETOTER 9-10-2015".
And from there, it took on a life of its own.
“Proud Mother***ing TEETOTALER 9 - 10 - 2015 "
People often ask how I started and have grown this community, and my only answer or what I imagine to be the answer is authenticity. I also believe that this community highlights how many women truly identify with my story and resonate with gray area drinking. I hope that my account and my words reach the women who are questioning their own drinking but believe it's not bad enough yet, so why quit. They can quit. YOU can quit! I can not emphasize this enough.
As most of you already know, my perspective on the sober lifestyle leans towards the positive (like way towards it). I don't focus all that much attention on bad moments or even bad days. If I am having a tough go at it, I generally leave it alone. Not because I want people to think everything is fantastic, but because I just don't want that energy around me, and I definitely don't want to put it around others. Life is not perfect by any means, but we don't have to share every single imperfection. Also, IG is a fun outlet for me. I have a pretty stressful career, and getting worked up about something on social media or using it as a platform to vent is not who I am.
I am not for everyone; believe me, I am told by many.
I tend to be a bit boisterous, lively, and unapologetic about it all. I don't sugar coat my feelings, but I am also a big believer that the internet does not need any more yelling, preaching, or commenting on how sucky life is. And honestly, I don't think sobriety is negative at all. Quite frankly, my worst days as a non-drinker are just not that bad—that's the truth. I am a Registered Nurse in an Oncology unit, and each night I go to sleep with a good man in a sweet home with two loveable fur babies. Our families and friends are healthy and alive. Choosing not to drink is just not that hard for me. I am acutely aware that this is not the case for everyone, but when it comes to my optimistic messaging around my choice to be a Teetotaler and living a dry life, I stand steadfast.
I want to wrap up this answer with the most important take-away:
CREATE A REAL LIFE COMMUNITY.
Yes, social media is wonderful and thank goddess for it in these crazy times. However, the most potent thing that has come out of creating this online community is when I get to create real life communities. When I get to know these beautiful people in the flesh. When we can stand together, face to face. Hold hands. Support one another. That's why. That is why I created The Sober Glow!
RESOURCES
To Do:
BOOKS
The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker
Belong by Radha Agrawal
Unsolicited Advice :)
Right after I get the question WHY did I create tSG, I am asked HOW:
If you want to create a real community, you must be real. I do not believe in buying followers, likes or whatever else you can buy these days, including PR firms. Follow for a follow, never. I've never joined one of those follow POD thingy's (it has a name, I don't remember it). Those classes about “how to win at instagram” are complete nonsense. No one knows how that sh*t works, no class will teach you. I still have no idea why some days I have zero engagement and other days I have heavy engagement. It simply is what it is. I also post in real time, I do not use any sort of service to post for me. Nor am I hooked up to any app that tells me who is following and who is not. DO NOT get caught up in that BS. However, something I have only started now, is taking my stuff onto my site. One day we are going to wake up and IG will be gone. So create your own space that you own. And create connections IN REAL LIFE!
Okie, I'm jumping off my pedestal.
Another BOOK:
Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
How are you serving your community?
Do you feel called to share more of your story?
How can you make your mess your message?
What is your message?
TAKE INSPIRED ACTION:
If you want connection, it starts with you.
Reach out to three local ladies and ask for a (virtual) tea date.
Start a virtual book club.
Start daydreaming of a sober adventure!
(Join me in 2021 TBD)
Join a sober group, if there are none, start your own.
*Remember relationships take time, and they don't just come to you. You must work at them. Seek them out. Go find your people!!!