FAQ # 2
How did you quit drinking?
A note from Mia:
I will be answering the most frequently asked questions that I have received from readers over the years. These answers will be my take on an aspect of an alcohol-free life. At the beginning of this journey for me, I found that reading about other women living a well-lived life without alcohol was very helpful. My internal compass moves when inspired, so I hope that I can share some of that here. PLEASE remember that all answers come from my perspective and may not be the right answers for you.
*Questions on the bottom are for you.
How did you quit drinking?
Nine days after I quit drinking, my husband and I were supposed to attend a wedding in Napa Valley. However, that week, he informed me that I was no longer joining him. I knew why I was uninvited, and even though the groom was his friend, a lot of our mutual friends were going to be there, and I was devastated. We both knew the likelihood of me caving in my decision and diving into the wedding celebrations could push our highly sensitive and prickly relationship into a volatile argument and possible public embarrassment. My husband refused to risk it. At the time, I hated him for making that decision for us, and everything in my bones wanted to lash out, throw all our shit out the windows, and buy myself a one-way plane ticket to anywhere.
Fortunately, I kept my cool and started thinking big picture. I knew that I needed to get quiet and be by myself. I was very emotional and feeling the potential loss of my marriage, but weirdly my thinking was clear and laser-sharp, and I knew that nothing mattered more than taking care of myself.
After combing the internet for the perfect destination for a woman on the edge to go have a breakdown and a rebuild, it dawned on me, Kripalu.
“After combing the internet for the perfect destination for a woman on the edge to go have a breakdown and a rebuild, it dawned on me, Kripalu.” - Mia
I had been a frequent visitor to Kripalu, and it was the place I always felt safest. Having traveled the world, it was this tiny little spot in the Berkshires, where I turned my life around.
I saw that Noah Levine, who I had only recently come across, was hosting his Refuge Recovery Meditation workshop that weekend. I didn't know anything about it other than Noah was a Buddhist meditation teacher, and he was sober.
I booked it immediately.
Three days with Noah, and then the other seven days I registered for the centers R&R program.
The experience was beautiful. I didn’t speak to a single soul, nor did I ask questions. That weekend, I observed everything, listened to every word that everyone said, and I did my best not to judge myself or anyone else. I turned off my phone and didn’t speak to any friends or family or even my husband for ten days. I spent my time taking care of me and focused solely on what made me feel good; running in the morning, journaling in different cozy nooks all around the grounds, meditating, swimming in the lake, and reading.
I knew that if I didn’t focus on myself and honestly address my self-sabotaging ways, I would return home and slip back into old habits with the excuse of “everyone else is doing it.”
But now I have to interrupt this memory lane story, because I think it's imperative to be as transparent as possible. I did not just wake up one day and announce I was no longer drinking alcohol. That couldn't be further from the truth. As far back as I can remember, I have always known that alcohol was not for me. I have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. My 21st birthday journal entry reads, "THIS IS NOT FOR YOU." How's that for all knowing. Even then, in my little 21yr old mind, I knew. My gnawing thoughts of becoming a non-drinker had been around as long as I had been consuming alcohol. So the decision was a long time coming.
As I mentioned in last weeks email, I did not have a physical addiction to alcohol. However, what I would classify my drinking as is this: An incredibly popular habitual ritual around alcohol (say that ten times). I could say I dropped my partying ways all on my own, but honestly, I believe it was bigger than just me. It was as if someone was guiding me because once I made that switch, the questioning was over. I knew my life would never be the same. I just didn't know the extent of how wildly different it would become.
Everyone will have their way of quitting or moderating or even mindfully drinking. You may resonate with my experience or not. But here is my big take away; give yourself a chance, go in the direction of what feels right for YOU. If a recovery meeting is calling you, go. Hire a coach or a therapist or both or neither. If you need to get away, whether a yoga retreat or a detox center, explore those options and be honest with yourself and your choice.
If you want to tell everyone in your life on day one, do so.
If you don't want to tell anyone, don't.
Only you will know what's right.
But what I do know and what advice I can give is this: You must get QUIET. Then and only then will you hear and feel your inner compass and the direction it is pointing.
RESOURCES
My resource lists are endless now, but these were the very first
things I read and listened to pre The Sober Glow.
https://kripalu.org/resources/yoga-recovery
Hands down my favorite place in the world. Now that I live in CA, I hate
that I can't just jump on a bus and be there in 4 hours. GO VISIT!
However, they are closed till 2021.
BOOKS
The first book I read after quitting. I loved it because of the holistic aspect of it all. It doesn’t matter if you follow a 12-step program or not. Nor does it matter if you are in recovery from addiction, or not. This book is a gem.
Refuge Recovery by Noah Levine
I purchased and read this book at Kripalu. What I loved most were the first hand experiences of other people choosing to get sober.
Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp
I read this book the year it came out. It was 1997, and I was 20yrs old. I reread it again in 2015.
PODCASTS
ARTICLES
*You may have noticed that most of the resources I found early on were aimed at people in recovery from addiction. At the time, there were not a lot of resources for women who did not identify as having an addiction or being in recovery.
Thankfully, this has changed. A lot!
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
What would your “lady on the edge” retreat look like?
Would you plan a solo get away to start over?
If not, could you do a weekend digital detox? Shut the doors, shut off the phone, TV, internet and tune into yourself? –Hot baths, journaling, nature walks, contemplation… find quiet.
How did you celebrate yourself when you quit drinking?
If you are still drinking, write out what your first week
sober looks like.
Do you believe people can quit alcohol on their own?
Why do you think there is such a rift between people and the differing paths to becoming alcohol-free?
Have you judged another persons path?
If so, why?