FAQ # 1
Are you in AA? / Are you an alcoholic? / Did you go to rehab?......or some version of this
A note from Mia:
I will be answering the most frequently asked questions that I have received from readers over the years. These answers will be my take on an aspect of an alcohol-free life. At the beginning of this journey for me, I found that reading about other women living a well-lived life without alcohol was very helpful. My internal compass moves when inspired, so I hope that I can share some of that here. PLEASE remember that all answers come from my perspective and may not be the right answers for you.
*Questions on the bottom are for you.
Are you in AA? / Are you an alcoholic? / Did you go to rehab?
Hi, I'm Mia, I am not, nor have I ever identified as an alcoholic. My story, my experience, and my deep knowledge of my inner workings will always belong to the rightful owner, me. I'm aware that many people want to pick holes through that for whatever reason. My story has never changed, nor will it change depending on the audience. But to this day, I still get questioned in a sideways way. And I still receive comments like "Why write and talk about it so much if you don't consider yourself an alcoholic or in recovery?". And my answer again is always the same - "All of our stories matter."
Now it is not my intention to separate myself from any one person or group, but I cannot take on a label that is not true for me to make someone or a situation more comfortable. Not all people who quit drinking are alcoholics, but I have found that this seems to be the popular belief among drinkers and non-drinkers. This particular way of thinking has caused me resistance and difficulty as I have navigated the waters of where I fit into the sobriety community. The thing is, it's not just black and white. There is a whole damn spectrum. This area is what I and many others refer to as the GRAY AREA of drinking. This gray area is where I lived and where I have witnessed many women living. We may not be drinking alcoholically, but the way we drink goes beyond what qualifies as "normal social drinking."
In my quest to meet more sober people, I did attend two AA meetings. Within a month or two of quitting, I found that I wanted (needed) to surround myself with a sober community. I wanted sober friends, and I wanted to know how I could navigate NYC as a sober social woman.
The two meetings were completely different. The first was in a quiet part of NYC, in a church basement with less than 20 people, mostly men. I was approached immediately, questioned endlessly, given two books for free, phone numbers were written down, and there was an attempt to put me on a blind meet-up with a potential female sponsor. Yea, it moved quickly. It felt like I had gone through a tornado.
The second meeting was in a very hip part of the city, and it was packed. A lot of women filled the room, and not one person acknowledged me, which was greatly appreciated. It was the complete opposite of the first, but what these AA meetings had in common was how each experience made me feel extremely uncomfortable. At the first meeting, I remember looking over at a woman sobbing quietly. There had only been one empty chair between us (the irony was not lost on me). She eventually stood up and spoke. It had been her first meeting as well. I felt like a creepy imposter sitting there, listening to this woman, and others pour their hearts out. I knew then I was going about finding other sober folks the wrong way. Even though I had good intentions and real curiosity, I was never going to stand up and truthfully say, "Hi, I'm Mia, and I am an alcoholic."
From the second and last AA meeting until I started @theSoberGlow, I was really just doing a quiet self-study. I read all the books, blogs, articles, and listened to any podcast related to the topic of not drinking. I wrote in my journal. I started exercising consistently, and I was finding my groove. I also started sitting quietly on my mat and relearning the whole meditation process. Inevitably, these three things would quickly become my non-negotiables and also my lifesavers.
Here's what I must address, being seen as addicted to alcohol, and being labeled an alcoholic has a stigma to it that has been around much longer than any one of us. I do NOT want to be part of the problem in keeping this stigma alive. But there is a fine line I must navigate when refusing to take on a label, that is not true for me, and trying to avoid unconsciously separating myself in a negative way from someone who does have this disease and does indeed need lifesaving support. ONE IS NOT BETTER OR WORSE, it is just different, and yet the difference somehow keeps the strength of the stigma alive. Again, it is a very fine line, and I am acutely aware of it, and at times I try to avoid the whole damn topic for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. At times it feels like navigating a land mine. But my work around this conversation must continue to be done. Please be gentle to me and to everyone on this path, no matter their story.
I strongly suggest that if you are curious about AA or any recovery meetings, go and experience it yourself. It may be what you need. It may be the exact thing you didn't even realize you wanted. You may find strength and camaraderie in these rooms. But no matter what, please do not take my experience or anyone's experience as something to be true for yourself.
RESOURCES
https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health/overview-alcohol-consumption/moderate-binge-drinking
https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health/overview-alcohol-consumption/alcohol-use-disorders
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Is there is a difference between social drinking and drinking alcoholically? Where's the line?
Who gets to determine that?
Do you believe there is a middle ground?
Do you think you can have a problem with drinking without being physically addicted?
Do you believe in the “early exit” of drinking? – Defined as when one is able to stop drinking alcohol before they become physically addicted. Before it gets “bad”.
Describe your version of when a persons drinking has become “bad”. What does that drinking look like?
What are your thoughts around recovery groups?
Do you think someone who is not addicted can benefit from these groups/meetings?