The Sober Glow Studio is an extension of what was started on social media circa 2016. As I have evolved, the topics I cover have naturally evolved. Here, I provide stories, recommendations, and resources on the art of living an alcohol-free lifestyle, navigating health & midlife, and anything that simply feels good.
Hi S,
Those of us who have quit drinking will probably agree that the mere fact you are thinking about your drinking and assessing the situation and how you feel when you do drink and when you decide not to drink is the start of this long, winding, wack-a-mole type of journey. Nothing will be linear, and it certainly won’t be smooth. I hope you find comfort in knowing you are already on your way. You have already started. The days, weeks, and years leading up to an actual quit day could be described as the numbers before zero. -4, -3, -2, -1, 0, Day 1, 2, 3, 4…. Who knows where you are in these negative numbers, but that’s not the point. The point is that you are in IT already.
I am sorry for the traumas you have experienced. I can not imagine what you have gone through. It makes me reflect on how often throughout the 25+ years of my drinking, all of the near-misses I had while under the influence. And just how close I came to a completely different life.
I can relate to the struggle of working in the industry while serving others (and myself) copious amounts of alcohol, all while constantly monitoring and judging my consumption and its side effects. I worked in NYC nightlife for most of my 20s, and often, my coworkers and I would have conversations about how much money we made if we drank with our customers vs. the amount of money we made when we didn’t drink while working. For the record, the amount was drastically less when we did not partake. Though the decision to drink or not to drink at work was my choice, drinking was not just welcomed; it was highly encouraged. And that encouragement looked like managers and owners opening staff drink tabs, coworkers making highly intoxicating mixed drinks, taking shots with customers and back of the house, and staying way past closing time while taking over the whole establishment to drink with staff until the morning light sparkled on the grimy NYC streets. All drinking was encouraged, but also under the guise of “get drunk, but not too drunk,” which is a whole other topic of bullshit.
I had been questioning my drinking since I was a teenager, and I certainly questioned it while working in that bar. However, given all the circumstances, I don’t know if I could have quit. It is not impossible because I know people who have done it, but the resistance metric working against me (or anyone in this situation) was physically tangible.
I would never tell anyone to quit their job and only source of income to quit drinking, but I would put it out there as an option to consider. Is this possible? Could it be possible in the future? What would it look like to continue working there if you didn’t drink? What boundaries would have to be put in place to work and not drink? Would you have the support of co-workers and management?
I imagine you have thought about all this. Although it’s a major plus that you don’t feel that pressure to be drinking while at work, you still choose to do so. And that’s where you should start—one shift at a time.
Do you have someone at work with whom you can share this? Would they be willing to help hold you accountable for this new change? (I am a big fan of having accountability, so I always suggest this).
If not at work, outside support? Friends, family, partner, or support groups?
If work is where you find yourself drinking the most, can you prepare yourself before going in? What makes you feel your best? What soothes your nervous system? ~ I imagine going to work feeling good and calm could set the tone for the night, as opposed to not having taken care of yourself, drinking too much caffeine, getting too little sleep, or having a fried nervous system to start. ~ Again, I don’t know your full situation, but a healthy nervous system is always a good start.
Are NA drinks an option for you? If your place doesn't already sell them, purchase your favorites and bring them to work. You can also use them as a treat for yourself. I find the types of NA drinks I have offer a chance to elevate my experiences. I don’t have many of them, nor do I have them while I am just sitting around. But at an event, I find them incredibly helpful and special. If you are into this, play around with different brands. Watch out for the crap out there (like anything), but if you find a gem you love, make note of it and keep it near.
The next time you “think” you miss it or need it, try playing out the whole scenario of what your night and next day looks like if you drink. Get super granular with this story playing out. Think about what you talk about, what you do, and how you do it. What are you drinking? How do you feel? Think about how you are going to feel the next morning when you are with your kids. Will your dynamic with your children be different if you are hungover? - Now, imagine you choose not to drink. What does your night look like? How do you feel when you drive home, get into bed, and are about to drift off to sleep? How do you feel when you first wake up in the morning? - Play all this out. If it helps, write out both of these scenarios. Again, get super detailed. Don’t make your decision until you have run through both options clearly.
Actively seek out other people who have quit drinking, are looking to quit or would like to simply be supportive of you and this new endeavor.
This may be super obvious, or maybe not, but you have to take care of yourself as a whole. Stay hydrated, eat good nourishing food, protect your sleep needs and your nervous system.
You are going to have to implement boundaries around your health and sanity. You may have to lose some relationships. You may have to say no to people you are not used to saying no to. You will have to stand up for yourself. You are going to get very uncomfortable. Shit will hit the fan. And you will survive all of this.
Participate in activities that make you feel good and that get you out of your comfort zone. I purchased a standup paddleboard in NYC in December after I quit drinking. Say what??? Yea. SUP was the thing that caught my attention and my interest. A lot of people pick up running or yoga. I picked up a 12 1/2-foot paddleboard and decided I was going to race it. In the end, I did one race and decided that I was terrible, and I really just wanted to use it for recreation. But that’s not the point. The point is that my new interest changed my focus. Now instead of going out and parting, I was going out to learn something new that not only got me out of my head but it got me into my body. It was uncomfortable but really f-ing exciting. Find something that changes your focus!
Go easy on yourself, but treat yourself with the utmost respect. You deserve to feel good. You deserve to be treated well by others, but that starts with how you treat yourself. You must treat yourself very, very well. This does not look like someone who feels shame and guilt for past choices. It looks like forgiveness and empathy for the person they have been and the choices they have made. It also looks like someone who feels proud and excited for the person they are looking to become.
Also, I would say this to anyone: if you feel you have a problem with drinking that you can’t navigate on your own, or if you feel addicted to alcohol (or drugs), please seek out help. There are hotlines, recovery groups, and medical personnel that can assist with this. I imagine this is all very scary to come to terms with, but I know many, many people who have saved their own asses because of these available resources. If you need more specific help, please email me directly and I can help connect you with someone that can offer this level of care.
Big Red is the name of my SUP. She was expensive, bulky, and didn’t make much sense to anyone but me. She took my focus off of partying and turned it into something that was much more productive. Plus, she got me out of my head and into my body. She made me feel alive. She showed me that life could be adventurous, wild, and fulfilling without me having to hold on to my party-girl persona.
She was one of the best investments I ever made in myself.
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xx, M