I am welcoming Sunday energy today. This past week at work was one of the hardest for layered reasons, which led to terrible sleep and very low energy. Life can be so cruel and unfair, and some days I see and have all the hope. But this week, I couldn’t rise above. It was just too intense. Yesterday, I didn’t want to do anything, let alone exercise. I didn’t even want to leave my bed. But I did what I could, given how low my energy was. I listened to the wise words of people much wiser than myself. I journaled, did some breathwork, pulled out my crystals, and tried to release the heavy, tense energy sitting in my body. I did everything I could to release that unwanted ball of anxiety that always claims a home on the left side of my abdomen, right under my lower rib cage. Nothing worked. That is until my husband pulled me from my misery and forced me to get dressed and get out of the house. We were invited to a book release event over on the east side of LA. It was the last thing I wanted to do. But it turned out to be exactly what I needed. I needed to be in a church, surrounded by other people, celebrating life and art while also addressing life's hardships and the fact that we are not alone, with the main message: have heart, soul, and hope.

So all this to say, which honestly was not going to be included here when I came to send this newsletter this AM, some days, moving the body is the last thing you want or can do. On those days, when things are really too heavy to do much, get out of your head and space and surround yourself with good humans doing good things. Find solace in that. No matter how hard life can be, we can still claim resilience.

I am a self-sabotager. Historically, if something was good for me, I would without a doubt try it, love it, feel good doing it, and promptly leave it for dead. Gym memberships, subscriptions of all sorts, physical and mental challenges, drinking water, going to bed early, journaling, leaving my phone in another room, meal prepping, meditating, creating, learning…you get the picture. And I bet you are even nodding your head because you know exactly what I am talking about.

If you understand the concept of “it feels so good, I think I’ll quit,” then you are in the right spot.

I have always been an active person, but never sporty per se. Yes, I was on the track team, and I was good, but when boys and partying became my priority, something had to give, and since cigarettes don’t mix with running drills after school, I made my choice.

I was living in NYC when Classpass first came on the scene, and it was the best deal of the century. I was hopping from one boutique fitness club to another every day of the week. I was having a blast and working out a lot, but nothing made sense. But at that age, I could get away with overhitting one area and completely neglecting another. As we now know (or will find out), once you hit your 40s, shit goes sideways, and you have to reassess. You have to become intentional with your movement. You need a plan, and you must incorporate all areas of your body into it. Gone are the days of working your abs nonstop and completely neglecting your back. Or running endless sprints but skipping the warm-up and cool-down stretch every single time. Hmm, mmm, honey, no more of that.

When we moved to Los Angeles, I tried my hand at a fancy gym as well as a pilates studio that were close to my home, but even the relatively close distance couldn’t stop me from quitting.

Fast forward, we moved again with even more space, and I started having serious conversations with my inner self-saboteur. I had a choice: I could continue acting like a fool, thinking age would never catch up to me and that I would naturally stay strong and healthy, or I could take a good look at how I was actually feeling (not great) and get serious. But I had to do it in a way that would work for me. And that meant removing as much resistance as possible.

THE BEST INVESTMENT I MADE IN MY HEALTH.

OK, the second-best investment I made for my health (the first having quit alcohol, obvi) was hiring an online personal trainer. Some of you may already know Ashley from the Zoom workshop we did together back in 2022.

Ashley taught me how to move my body safely while weight training. We worked together on where I was physically and where I wanted to go. She set up a personalized system for me, including macro tracking, something I had never done before. Had I not taken the time to work with Ashley, I am not sure I would be where I am today. She truly was the catalyst for helping transform my body. Within two months of working together, I started seeing results that I had been chasing for years through excessive cardio.

Also, I know macro tracking isn't for everyone, and I understand why. However, I found it incredibly eye-opening and learned that I was nowhere near the amount of protein I needed daily to build muscle, and that I was crushing fats, thinking I was being healthy, but overdoing it by a landslide. With macro tracking, I was able to balance it all out for my own personal needs.

Ok, this article is not about nutrition, but I wanted to share the full scope of what it was like working with Ashley. I highly recommend investing time with a personal trainer to learn proper movement, weightlifting techniques, and nutrition. Because it doesn’t matter how much you train if you are eating crap.

The other caveat to working with Ashley was the need for accountability. Whether it’s to someone in my life or online, I work well with knowing someone will hold me accountable when I can’t do it alone. And doing it via IG stories was gold for me.

Recently, I posted this picture on IG

If you have been around here for any amount of time, you know I vowed years ago never to return to a gym. Even while working with Ashley and knowing that I might eventually hit a ceiling in what I could do at home, there was no way I would return.

Until a goal changed, and instead of thinking it through, I decided that the only way I would hit said goal was to join the gym. Like the picture states, I joined, went four times, hated every second of it, and quit (as of today, still paying and avoiding Brandon).

But this lesson wasn’t for nothing. I was reminded of my savviness and DIY mastery, so I figured it out.

My new goal was to build my shelf, my peach, my upper glutes, otherwise known as my ass. I wanted my training to become more glute-focused and less leg-focused. I thought I needed a Smith machine, a cable machine, a hip thrust machine, a back extension machine, and an abduction machine in order to make this happen. Turns out (well, I hope it turns out :)), I don’t. Here is how I updated my home gym and took what I already had and made it work for me.

Instead of a Smith machine or hip thrust machine, I purchased a hip thrust belt. It’s for dumbbells, but it also holds kettlebells. With this, you will also need a bench. But I used my coffee table for hip thrusts long before I purchased a bench.

Also purchased a hip thrust pad. This allows me to hold a very heavy weight comfortably across my hips for a variety of moves, such as elevated and single-leg hip thrusts, frog pumps, and glute bridges.

Instead of a cable machine, I purchased ankle straps made for a cable machine. These are a little S&Mish, but they add so much more variety. I connect them to two weighted bands that I wrapped around my Peloton. I use my bench from a distance and can get a full, straight-leg kickback, just as if I were at the gym. It’s brilliant and also my favorite new move.

Instead of the abduction machine (which was broken every time I went to the gym), I use a band and a dumbbell in the clam position/or in a standing position.

There really are so many ways we can use these simple tools to get the workout we want without dealing with gym bros, broken equipment, or germs. And my two favorites, no commuting, and I get to exercise in my pjs with zero f*cks about what I look like.

SETTING UP A HOME GYM

I like order, and I don’t like anything out of place or lying around. So every day, I am moving things between my husband's office closet and my little space in the center of the home, which I have claimed as mine.

The Essentials (honestly, none of this is essential, but it’s where I started)

• Dumbbells (variety of sizes, I have 1lbs to 40lbs)

• Kettlebells

• Bands with and without handles, loop bands, and flat therapy bands

• Ankle weights - I prefer the soft ones vs the trendy ones.

• A coach or smart program to follow

Have a plan. Don’t wing it! When I train on my own, I get sloppy, quit earlier than I should, and become inconsistent. Which gives me inconsistent results.

I want consistent results, which means I have to be intentional with everything. Which also means I have to work with discipline, not motivation, because I’d never do a damn thing if I waited for motivation.

The Extras

• Bench (I used our picnic table bench, coffee table, and padded chair for two years before buying a bench).

• Jumpsport rebounder - if you are going to get one, get a good one with a good spring. I have had cheap and Jumpsport, and there is a massive difference.

• All of the glute-focused extras above.

• I have had a Peloton bike for years now and rarely use it for anything other than zone 2 cardio while watching Netflix. If I were to purchase again today, I would get the tread instead.

• Weighted vest - go lighter than you think (I had to try three of them before finding my weight).

• Rack to keep weights organized.

• An oversized exercise mat. I keep mine hidden under a rug in the center of my home.

Recovery

• Foam rollers

• Therabody jetboots and Theragun

• Vibration plate

• Higher Dose infrared sauna blanket - don’t worry about buying the insert wrap, just use two towels and don’t go in naked! It gets way too hot. I have the same sweatshirt, pants, and socks I wear each time.

*For the first time ever, I am sharing some affiliate links with you all. Anything I share is what I personally use or similar if what I have is out of stock.

MEMBERSHIPS

• Caroline Girvan YouTube (free) unbelievable amount of content. I like her EPIC program the best, but she has a lot to choose from. Having a working knowledge of how to lift would be best before jumping in with her.

• EVLO ($55). This program was created by a physical therapist, and all the trainers are PTs as well. It is so smart! I literally just show up and am told what to do. You can choose how many times you work out a week, and the classes will be catered to your schedule. After watching Shannon (the creator) on a podcast, I was sold. Science-backed.

• MWH ($15) Love how much Melissa loves pilates. Kim, a newer trainer to the app, focuses on heavier strength training. Great price point. Quick classes.

• Ashley Poladian, the trainer I worked with for nearly two years. I learned a lot from her.

• Memberships I’ve tried since working out at home: LEK Fit. Join FORM. Pilates by Bryony. Swan by Carolina. I do love how I feel when I incorporate Pilates and barre-type workouts, but nothing moved the needle for me like lifting heavy weights.

• Walking! Not only is this much-needed quiet time for me, but consistent daily walks keep my bloating at bay and keeps me regular.

MOBILITY WORK

A quick word on mobility and aging. WE MUST DO IT. We have to take the time to warm up, cool down, and stretch. What is the point of getting strong if we can’t stand up from the couch without moaning because our joints are sore and stiff? Joint pain is no joke in perimenopause! This is my Achilles heel, so I totally understand if you skip it as well. I really have to turn off my brain when I do this, otherwise I am constantly thinking about all the other things I could and should be doing with my time.

• Mobility by Julia Rippel (free)

• Mady Morrison (free)

• Flossing

Whether you get all the things or none at all, the point of this is that we need to take care of ourselves in the way that works best for our individual needs. So if you are someone who craves community and loves leaving home for a workout class or to meet up with a group, do that. But do something. Moving our bodies will move our energy and just make life feel a little more doable.

I will be rooting for you from my living room, sweating it out in my pjs.

xx, MM

The first three to four years of my sobriety, I was unapologetically enthusiastic about this lifestyle. And having created a community of other non-drinkers, I was loving the camaraderie. Even if most of the people I knew were people I met online.

I had made a name for myself and found a way to be creative while adding value to others, something I have always craved. Through my own therapy work, I have learned that I never question my value when I am in the hospital. I know my value there. I know I am great at my job, and I also get so much back from helping people. It’s when I am outside of work, not doing something for someone or being productive in some way, that I become restless and stressed. Relaxing for me is hard, though it may not look that way. Someone may see me lying on a couch or sitting on a beach and think I don’t have a care in the world, meanwhile, I am internally going bananas about how much time I am wasting. And that sitting, lying still, is actually me in freeze mode. That’s me attempting to relax, but I’m judging the sh*t out of every second of it. That’s my overactive brain firing non-stop, but my body is too exhausted to do anything. And this is what I have been working on for the past few years. Resting without feeling overwhelming guilt and pressure, learning to feel worthy and valuable even when I am just being, and not necessarily doing.

It was around 2018-19 when I stopped sleeping that I started to fall apart, and I was forced to look for help. I remember standing in front of my boss in tears, telling her I felt impaired after another night of three hours of sleep. This was years before I learned anything about perimenopause, and I had no idea how to help myself. I just knew that something had to give. And this is when I made the decision to try CBD/THC for sleep and stress, or so I hoped.

I had smoked pot when I was a teenager, but it was never for me. I honestly hated the feeling, and I usually just found myself in some kitchen eating complete and utter junk until whatever party I was at ended, and I could go home and sleep.

At the time, Los Angeles felt like it was on the cutting edge of something, with all the legalized recreational dispensaries popping up like Apple Stores. When I found myself standing in front of one with my husband, I remember feeling like a guilty teenager all over again. I wore sunglasses and a baseball cap pulled down low. My husband wouldn’t stop laughing at me. When I passed over my ID to the check-in counter, I thought the cops or, worse, the Instagram police were going to jump out at any moment and splash my name all over the internet.

“The Sober Glow Caught Buying Weeeeeeeeeeeeeed”

But I kept going because I knew I would try anything to help alleviate the hellfire of insomnia I was going through. And, as nervous as I was, I also knew very well that marijuana was never my thing, and I was not in any danger of it being a gateway drug.

Before I go on, I want to be very clear: none of these decisions were made willy-nilly. I am historically very intentional when making big (and small) decisions, especially about my health. I had many conversations with my husband about what it would mean for me to try THC and all the possible outcomes. In the end, the importance of my health and sanity outweighed (by a freaking landslide) what others' perception of me could be from anyone who knew me as sober. The opinions of friends, internet friends, or internet strangers did not matter to me more than what I needed and knew to be true. All this said, with the internet full of sobriety police at that time, I made the decision not to share this publicly. As always, I had to quietly navigate this for myself, similar to the first year after I quit drinking.

One thing is certain: I will always stay true to myself first.

As the little researcher I am, I decided to take the dose during the day so I could feel the effects without worrying that something might go awry and ruin another night of sleep. Plus, I wanted my husband to be present with me and not next to me, snoring away, oblivious to any drug-induced spiral I may potentially fall into.

Now it seems like overkill, and so silly, all that time and attention I put into that first experiment. But I don’t regret how I handled it. And I would advise anyone in my position to do the same thing with the same consideration and seriousness.

Over these past few years, with THC and other plant medicines, as well as ketamine therapy, my decision-making process to implement something starts with a massive amount of research and self-study, conversations with people I trust and respect, and, most importantly, doing it with incredible self-awareness and groundedness.

But on a lighter note, my first experiment went like this….

*Sorry, due to the sensitivity of this topic, this and others will remain behind a paywall.

Read more

No one really knows how others will perceive them. I have no idea whether what you read here will align with your perception and knowledge of me, or if I will suddenly be ripped off some pedestal or somewhere in the middle. And that goes with today or any other day that I put parts of myself out into a public space. As someone who has shared her thoughts and experiences online, off and on, for nearly a decade, others’ perception of me has never mattered less. And that feels like freedom to me. Maybe that’s just age.

This freedom comes largely from what I have learned and acknowledged about myself over these past years. Since childhood, I have constantly scanned for rejection as a way to protect myself. When you live this way, you will always find a way to feel rejected. And when you learn this about yourself, you also learn that what was once a constant blaring internal alarm can slowly be managed into a much quieter signal that doesn’t rule your world.

People’s perception of others is never about the “other” but about the person doing the perceiving. The way I experience someone is always about who I am, never them. It’s about how I feel about life, my values, my needs, my preferences, my own experience walking this earth. It’s having this self-awareness of my own biases that gives me this information. We all judge other people based on our lives, not theirs. We can be a hero or a villain in someone else’s world, and it has nothing to do with us. So I will never stay in a box (of my own doing or others') to make people comfortable, nor would I want you to.

One of the aspects of what I refer to as the art of the alcohol-free lifestyle that I have never talked about is the possibility of finding joy in other substances that don’t make you feel like shit, but rather ones that bring pleasure and healing to your life.

Of course, as someone who does not think, speak, or write from the lens of addiction or recovery and someone who has always been very clear about that distinction, this may not be everyone’s cup of tea. And I respect that immensely. I also respect and trust myself and my ability to choose what is best for me and to share in a way that describes the truth of my own experience and how my choices have slowly changed how I see, live, and share my own sobriety.

PART 1 The first three years 2015-2018

In medicine, when it comes to medications, we have what is known as the loading dose. This is known as a “higher-than-normal initial dose of medication (or multiple doses) used to rapidly achieve a target therapeutic concentration in the blood when immediate effects are required.”1

I call the first couple of years after having quit alcohol, my loading dose years. This was my time where nothing in the all-or-nothing way of thinking took precedence.

Read more

Just the other day, a woman was telling me how she was feeling terrible in her body. She isn’t sleeping, she’s constantly stressed out, angry all the time, and has zero libido. I sat there, listening, nodding, letting her know I was hearing her and that I knew exactly what she was describing. When she was done, I simply asked, “How old are you?”

“45”

Let me start with this: I don’t mind telling people how old I am, and I also don’t shy away from asking women their age (given the proper circumstances). This was my first question simply because I was judging. I was weighing whether I should take the time to start an open, honest conversation with her. I find that if a woman won’t share her age, she probably won’t be looking for the kind of conversation I want to have. And if there is anything I don’t want to do more of, wasting my time is just that.

Great. She shared her age quickly, without any distress. My next question was, "Have you considered HRT or had that conversation?"

“No”

Then she hit me with the question, “Doesn’t that cause breast cancer?” As soon as she asked this, the same question so many women have asked all over the world for years and years, I knew that she simply didn’t have all of the information. I told her I didn’t have enough time to get into it right then, but if she was open to it, I would love to share some information she could review on her own. This, she was open to.

For most of the day, I thought about this conversation on perimenopause. The conversation I have had so many times over the past five-ish years. Initially, I have been the one receiving and absorbing all the education and resources, and I still am. But now I feel I have enough knowledge to share this information easily and passionately, as well as the experts I have learned from and continue to learn from.

I think the best way to help someone make an informed choice for themself (when they ask, and only when they ask) is to share all the information. I love nothing more than to share all the sources, the experts, the conversations, the research, and the studies. Maybe this is because I am a nurse, and essentially a nurse is an educator, coach, and a no BS kind of communicator, or at least this is the type of nurse I am. Personally, I love having this conversation and sharing all the information I have gathered and learned over the years. Even if it seems like everyone and their mother is talking about perimenopause, there are still so many women who are not privy to the new and updated information for whatever reason and at no fault of their own, such as my friend from the above conversation.

I feel so passionately that women are not getting all the information. And it’s not just from the lack of knowledge in the medical field (which is slowly but steadily changing); it’s from other women. The fear-mongering has an intensity that I have not seen before. For example, I am part of many big WhatsApp chats, and one in particular was talking about perimenopause. I was asked outright what I thought, and so I gave my personal story as well as the experts I have learned from over the years. Days later, the woman who asked me for my opinion shared that another woman in the chat texted her privately, forcefully telling her, “Do not take HRT.” But that was it, no other explanation other than laying her blanket statement opinion onto another woman who was struggling with perimenopausal symptoms.

I find this behavior bullshit and straight up unfair. No one has the right to tell another person what they should and should not do. Especially when it comes to their own body. We have to deal with it enough coming from our own ill-informed medical practitioners, who so often shoot down even the simplest of conversations around perimenopause, we shouldn’t have to deal with it from other women who really should be supportive in whatever we choose to do.

Also, if someone has such a strong opinion about something….at least back it up. But she didn’t, nor could she. Anyway, clearly, this type of medical bullying fires me up.

If you are new to this conversation or someone you know is looking for information, these are the experts I always recommend starting with.

MEDICAL

1. Dr. Mary Claire Haver

2. Dr. Heather Hirsh

3. Dr. Vonda Wright

4. Dr. Kelly Casperson

*All of them are a wealth of information from podcasts, books, blogs, and free resources. Endless rabbit holes to explore and learn.

PODCAST

1. The Truth About Estrogen: What the Women's Health Initiative Got Wrong with Dr. Avrum Bluming & Dr. Carol Tavris

*A must listen for anyone who would like to understand why there is so much fear around HRT and cancer.

I feel like everyone needs a little extra comfort these days. Enjoy.

XX, M

Hey, hi, hello, how are you? It’s been a minute.

There is no denying that the last two years have been nothing short of a spin cycle for me on a personal level. And as you all may know, I am an oncology nurse, so my day-to-day work life isn't particularly uplifting. I know I am not alone because it seems everyone I encounter is carrying the weight of our current world. So here on Substack, I turn to what brings me joy. Historically, anything I post about on the socials (and now Substack) leans hard into the beauty of life lived. Especially the alcohol-free beauty of life lived.

Please humor me, as I enjoy this space as my own refuge from stress, caregiving, and overall need to connect with others over things that are frivolous, joyful, and, honestly, just good ol’fashioned fun. Sunday fun.

Let’s gather below in this perfect rose colored womb for a deep dive convo into all the places we could explore this year.

I’m turning 50 this summer, and I am in flux about how to celebrate it. I love birthdays, mine and others. I love celebrating and marking these days with special experiences. I am not someone who shrugs her shoulders and calls it just another day. For the birthdays that landed me at the age of 16 all the way to 39, I, without a doubt, celebrated with alcohol. So not only is this a topic of celebrating one of the B*I*G birthdays, but this is also about how I celebrate in general without alcohol. Now add travel into the mix, and I am looking for something that typically doesn’t fall into the generic, run-of-the-mill birthday celebration category. And when I say this, I mean - just getting drunk and passing out wherever you happen to be in the world. No, no. I mean, the entire experience is catered around feeling alive, vibrant, energetic, and, hello, may I include healthy (!), given that we (I) survived another year in this oh-so-fragile life.

I want this intention and feeling to be with me literally anywhere I go, and in anything I do. So this doesn’t have to be about birthdays, because this lifestyle is a choice every single day.

DESIRABLE IDEAS/FEELINGS/EXPERIENCES

It’s hard to choose which way to go; I haven't found anything that combines all my interests in AF travel…yet.

• Pure adrenaline adventure

• Romantic, sexy, spa-oriented

• Somewhere I have never been, and most likely will never return (aka a once-in-a-lifetime place)

• Invitation to relax and just be

• Favorite foods (particularly Mediterranean)

• A culinary or creative experience (retreat/workshop)

• Near water, rugged mountain tops, or both. Added bonus, olive trees, which I am obsessed with

• A feeling of AWE - I want to be blown away by the extraordinary beauty

• Romantic with just my partner, solo, girls’ trip, or with all our loved ones - or all of the above over the course of this year

• I should note that I am not a shopper, nor do I book trips for shopping. I book for the experiences and the feels. I will save all the shopping intel for someone who knows it better.

Most notably, when it comes to travel, I will never be in a place that has a notorious party scene. However, for example, Ibiza (notorious for its party scene) is slowly gaining a reputation as a luxury wellness hotspot. Places can change, and given that views on health, wellness, and alcohol are changing around the world, it’s not hard to conceive that the travel industry will also change. And I am very hopeful for an explosion in the travel market that intentionally caters to non-drinkers. And what a treat it will be to no longer have to step over the all-night bubble bath party attendees who have passed out on the beach in order to get to the waves.

Until then, I will continue combing the internet for places and experiences that fit the bill.

FILE UNDER: PLACES TO GO ON YOUR 50TH

……Or any other time, special or not.

(1) MALLORCA, SPAIN

• The Balearic Islands consist of Ibiza, Mallorca, Menorca, and Formentera. Ibiza is the best-known, followed by Mallorca, of late.

• Six Senses Ibiza is truly giving Ibiza that new (rich) wellness vibe, however, I am more into the mom and pop seaside hotels over big and trendy. Give me character over bougie. Give me space over hobnobbing with the social media elite. Give me off-the-grid, over something on everyone’s social grid.

• While Menorca and Formentera are tempting, I am leaning hard toward Mallorca (along with the rest of the world, seemingly), slight sigh here, but I can’t control what calls to me. Nor can I explain why, but this island has had a hold on me since I first came across an old monastery in Deià while looking for retreat options years ago.

• My choice, Finca Serena. Hits the romantic, sexy, wellness/spa oriented, definite invitation to relax and chill, Mediterranean eats, olive trees, and I love that countryside beauty with a sick pool situation.

• Itinerary: when chill mode is complete, rent a car and explore the magic of this island. Then explore it by sea on the hotel’s private sailboat.

(2) CUSCO, PERU

• While I can get down with rugged, dirty, no-shower-in-sight adventures, for my 50th, I would prefer something more elevated.

• This adventure includes a cliff-hugging overnight, upscale lodge-to-lodge travel (still rugged and adventurous) to Machu Picchu, and the epitome of luxury train travel, while being spoiled.

• This hits that AWE factor, pure adrenaline, rugged mountain tops, once-in-a-lifetime experience.

• I would do this solo, with my partner, girlfriends, or all my loved ones.

• Bonus: literally “elevated” with a night stay on the side of a cliff with Skylodge Adventure Suites in Cusco, Peru.

• While there are multiple ways to get to Machu Picchu, there is only one choice for me, and that’s the Salkantay Trek. Ever since I saw my first photograph of Humanatay Lake, I have been obsessed with touching that water with my own hands. There are lodge-to-lodge trail options that are less crowded and certainly more appealing at this age.

• Belmond Train Peru has a different feel from its European counterparts. While any of the trains to and from Paris in particular are beyond magical, they tend to lean towards the party of it all. While there once was a time when I wanted nothing more than to dress to the nines and drink champagne cocktails while flying through the rolling hills of western Europe, it’s just not what I am looking for anymore. The Andean Explorer has a more laid-back spiritual side. With a hefty pricetag, of course. But again, it’s that once-in-a-lifetime energy I am going for.

• Time permitting, I would love to explore the Amazon, just a quick plane ride away. Starting here.

(3) YELLOWKNIFE, CANADA

• In early 2020 (pre-C), I hosted an all-female, alcohol-free adventure to the top of the world in search of the aurora borealis… and would hands down do it all again!

• While it is not easy to get to, but totally worth it. First, you must travel to Yellowknife, in the Northwest Territories of Canada (typically 2-3 flights). Then take a bush plane (from another location) that drops you off on a frozen lake in the middle of nowhere, to even get to Blachford Lake Lodge.

• Sadly, BLL went bankrupt in 2020 but has since been purchased and revamped by Arctic Kingdom. The pricing is much higher (like triple) than it was in 2020, but again, totally worth it.

• Hits the AWE factor, pure adrenaline, once-in-a-lifetime (or twice :))

• If you are not afraid of the cold (like cold cold), love outdoor adventure, breathtaking scenery, blood-pumping activities, followed by home-cooked meals, cozy fireplaces, board games, with outdoor hot tubs and saunas, this may be something to consider.

• I have yet to come across another secluded wilderness lodge offering all the amenities and adventures BLL does without an extraordinary price tag. But I will continue to search!

• Wilderness lodges in Canada and the US, for when the price tag is no concern, start with these: Nimmo Bay, Clayoquot Wilderness Lodge, and Sheldon Chalet.

(4) TOFINO, CANADA

• First learned of the Wickaninnish Inn while I was traveling solo in Banff. It was described to me as one of the moodiest, sexiest places to experience a winter storm. I was intrigued. And ever since hearing it put this way, I can not think of it any other way. While my birthday is in August (hardly winter storm material), I think this place is still a top contender for a special occasion.

• Hits the romantic, sexy, spa-oriented location, near the water, with culinary experiences (awarded two Michelin Keys), in addition to a variety of adventures via the hotel or private businesses in British Columbia, offering anything from whale watching, hiking, storm chasing, wildlife safaris, nature tours, to heli-hikes.

• Nomad Adventure Guides.

• Also, having the whole island of Vancouver Island to explore.

• I am absolutely manifesting a thriller book club hosting a retreat with either Lucy Foley, Lucy Clarke, Alessandra Torre, or Emily St. John Mandel, author of The Glass Hotel. Or better yet, our very own sober author Emily Lynn Paulson, who I hear has a thriller coming out soon!….Ok, I am way off topic now.

(5) UMBRIA RENTAL FOR ALL FRIENDS AND FAMILY

• FONTE SALA. Airbnb. This or something similar….but you get the idea. One week with an open invitation for friends and family to come for any amount of time while we are there. What a dream!

• Honestly, I would do this anywhere in the countryside of Italy, Spain, or France. Desire plenty of bedrooms, a large outdoor area with a pool, olive trees with sleeping chairs under them, twinkle lights, and the most amazing food being cooked by an assortment of friends and family - maybe not a true culinary experience, but still an eating experience dream to be sitting with all my loved ones under the olive trees until the middle of the night.

• Think Stealing Beauty vibes. One of my favorite movies.

• Private chef for cooking lessons, not to be pampered. I want to get my hands dirty and to go home with new lifelong skills.

• Other Mediterranean rental ideas: Tuscany, La Garde-Freinet, Pignans, Llinars del Vallès.

• This hits the invitation to just be, the olive trees, a culinary experience with my favorite food, romance, and also the ability to spend time with all the loved ones.

(6) MEXICO CITY, MEXICO

• This massive city will never be conquered in one visit. I, of course, never travel without a plan and a clear idea of what I want to see and do, but I can also let those plans go out the window and be very flexible with the days and nights. And a city like this, a plan, a plan B, and a plan C are essential.

• This hits the adrenaline factor but in a different way. Also, a culinary delight, being that it is probably the number one city for die-hard foodies. Romantic and fun, but will lean hard into more of a busy vacation. I can’t think of anything more fun than experiencing this city with a group of good friends.

• Stay. Ignacia Guest House, The Red Tree House.

• Airbnbs I have saved for groups who want to stay together - This rooftop apartment, apartment with its own private garden.

• I was never a fan of “tours”; however, now I can appreciate not having to make all the decisions, and when it comes to food in Mexico City, I am a hard yes to a food tour. Starting from here, Michelin Star to street food.

• Art. So much to choose from, non-negotiables - Museo Frida Kahlo, Museo de Artes Moderno

• There are some incredible private homes outside of Mexico City that I dream of renting for a Sober Glow retreat and/or a magical girls' trip…but I will save those for another time.

(7) Norway Fjords (and surrounding area)

• Number one in the AWE factor. If I had to give my top pick, it would be here. If it doesn’t happen this year, it will eventually. This area is also massive, and choosing just one area makes me immediately long for all the others. From the Fjords in Norway to Svalbard (an island midway between Norway and the North Pole), to the igloos in Lapland, Finland, and the endless Nordic spas in Sweden, like the floating Arctic Bath. I want to see and do it all. As much as I love basking on a beach near the sea, I equally adore freezing cold fresh air and adventure.

• Did you watch the movie The Woman in Cabin 10? It’s this landscape I want to see in person under the Midnight Sun. It’s breathtakingly gorgeous. Minus the whole billionaire bastard murdering people and the $150 million superyacht.

• Stay: The Ice Hotel. Artic Tree House. Immersive Artic. Or for a more laid-back vibe, harder to get to and less populated, I am looking at 292 Aurland. Fajaerland Hotel.

• Adventures. Do the North (both winter and summer look stunning). Natural World Safaris. Svalbald in Summer - under the midnight sun.

• Tell me another place where a sense of feeling freaking alive is more prevalent than standing on a glacier near the north pole, in the most crispy and fresh air possible, while polar bears (very safe distance) saunter around.

• And I will end this list with the ultimate FU money bucket list trip via the Ocean Sky Cruise North Pole Expedition.

Now, all good daydreams must come to an end, and I have to go to work to make them my reality.

Thank you for being part of this little world of mine, but I would love to hear about yours…tell me your dream sober trip in the comments below.

XX, Mia

HOT TIP FOR ANY HOLIDAY EVENT

Bring Your Own Damn Drink!

I will keep this short and sweet (unlike the video above) because right now, you are most likely going crazy running around trying to do things for everyone else, and you probably don’t have much time to read this. So, whether you are new to this lifestyle, trying it out, or haven’t had a drink in years, the holidays can be rough on us, especially when attending a holiday party. I see a lot of narratives online about how people are offended that a family member, friend, or random party host forgot they didn’t drink and offered them nothing but water. While yes, I understand the frustration, but also - No, take care of yourself and take responsibility for meeting your own unique needs. And by this, I mean - BYODD, bring your own damn drink.

Hosting is hard, and people are busy as hell. If someone forgets that you quit drinking, try not to take it personally. The world does not revolve around us being non-drinkers. I learned very early on that if I wanted my own unique NA drink, I needed to bring it. Otherwise, I would end up with a fancy cup of water. The best guests are those who bring what they need and never put pressure on the host to take care of their specific needs.

The NA world has exploded, and the options are endless. If you haven’t already, go out and purchase a few and play around. When I quit drinking in 2015, the only options I had were Odouls and Fre wine. Nowadays, you can have red wine, white wine, rosé, champagne, bourbon, tequila, gin, aperitifs, and almost anything you can conceive of. This new world of NA can satisfy pretty much anyone who is into it.

Now, all that said, you might NOT be into it, and NA may NOT be safe for you. So, with anything and everything, please have discernment and know that no one here is telling you to drink something that may trigger you in any way, shape, or form.

Below are some favorite NA drinks, recipes, where to buy them, and what to be aware of before purchasing—also, a personal note on who I support with my dollars and why.

A short(ish) list of my favorites

• Ghia

• Figlia

• Athletic Brewing Co

• Three Spirits

• Wilderton

• Aplós

• Giesen Sauvignon Blanc

• Sovi Rosé

• Ritual Zero Proof Non-Alcoholic Tequila

• Lautus Rosé

• My favorite NA bitters (All The Bitter) that I add to my drinks.

Noteworthy mocktail situations

• A Guide To Non-Alcoholic Cocktails and Shops in LA

• All the Bitter line-up of mocktail recipes

• The Spruce Eats mocktail list

• Clean + Dirty Drinking: Recipes for Drinks with or without Booze

• Good Drinks: Alcohol-Free Recipes for When You’re Not Drinking for Whatever Reason

• Zero Proof: 90 Non-Alcoholic Recipes for Mindful Drinking

• Recipes from Ghia

• Recipes from Aplós

Places to purchase NA drinks

• The New Bar (LA)

• No & Low (online)

• The Zero Proof (online)

• Amazon (always double-check the name of the seller)

• Bevmo (all over the country)

• Total Wine (all over the country)

• If your local bottle shop does not carry any NA drinks, I would suggest telling them how important it is that they do. I would then share some information about how the NA world has exploded and remind them that it is the year 2025! :)

• Check out your grocery stores as well. One of the most random but wide assortments of NA drinks that I have come across was in a small grocery store in Yellowknife, Canada (near the freaking North Pole).

Buyer Beware

I have mentioned this several times, but it bears repeating. I have had two holidays ruined due to consuming a trendy NA drink with adaptogens. When it comes to herbals of any sort, know what you are drinking, and I would even go as far as “testing” it out on a day when you have nothing going on. With both incidents of drinking this brand, I was awake for over 24 hours. I was hoping the first time was a fluke, but I was affected the same way the second time. Not everyone will experience this, but it’s in your best interest to be aware of the herbal/adaptogen/caffeine content when it comes to these drinks.

A Personal Note

With the rise of NA drinks, I lean hard towards creators/owners who are in this community of non-drinkers, and I am staying as far away from large corporations that are looking just to make more money. I have no problem with people making money. Still, if I have a choice of supporting a woman-owned company that I know is a non-drinker versus some celebrity who just slapped her face on a marketing campaign for millions of dollars, I am giving my dollars to the person in this community.

Much love to you, dear reader, and have a safe holiday weekend, whatever you have planned.

XX

MM

To build on something I wrote about recently, my greatest hope for myself and for all women around me is to feel confident and comfortable in the choice to live an alcohol-free lifestyle. To say it another way, I want us all to feel good in our own skin. Nothing feels better than feeling comfortable with other women who are comfortable with themselves.

That said, I go through waves of feeling like I have finally figured myself out, almost 50 and all, and then on the other side of the pendulum, there are days when I think, How the hell have I not figured this out yet? I sometimes feel I am alone in this, but once I start digging and other women join me in going deeper in conversations, I realize we are all in this together in one way or another. And no matter what our worlds (IRL and socials) try to portray to us, we are all still trying to figure it out. I honestly don’t know any woman in my life who has it all together, and if someone does, please do tell :)

WAYS TO FEEL GOOD IN YOUR SKIN THIS WEEKEND AND BEYOND.

1. I came across this interview podcast with Emma Grede interviewing Tracee Ellis Ross. I was immediately delighted with the candor, elegance, and humor in this conversation. It was also quite comforting to hear a woman several years older than me discuss how she feels like she is just now figuring herself out and living in her truth. I wish more women (especially the stoic Gen Xers) would be more open, vulnerable, and honest about navigating life. VIDEO INTERVIEW HERE, AUDIO HERE.

2. Six comforting truths I felt when first reading and then rereading my favorite QuitLit book, The Sober Lush.

• I unapologetically want to explore this world and have new adventures that have absolutely nothing to do with drinking alcohol. If people don’t want to join me, I will happily do it on my own. In fact, I feel most like myself when I am traveling alone.

• Celebrating yourself or anyone/anything does not mean you need to destroy yourself with alcohol while doing it.

• Even if you are not physically addicted to alcohol, it does not mean you are fine.

• Having the ability and the wherewithal to pay attention to the world around us can be one of the most exciting feelings of all time. When you remove alcohol from all the situations we use it, it’s like having the lights turned on.

• Pleasure comes alive when you no longer use alcohol to seek out pleasurable experiences. How ironic :)

• Pleasure and luxury are often found in the smallest and simplest details. It’s in pouring yourself a cup of your favorite oolong tea. It’s watching the stars in the middle of the desert on a hot summer night. It’s taking the time to make yourself an excellent meal, for one. It’s in recognizing that there is no greater luxury than the ability to take good care of yourself.

Q- What books remind you and inspire you to take the best care of yourself?

3. I found myself perusing the aisles of Sephora during their recent annual sale. This sort of perusing is always fun for me. I don’t know much about makeup other than I am a no-makeup, makeup girly. But skincare, and keeping good care of my skin - that’s always been my thing. With the sale, I tried a few new skincare and makeup products. I kept what felt and looked good on my skin, and returned what didn’t.

• Kept Charlotte Tilbury Lip Cheat Lip Liner in Pillow Talk (24M). Returned REFY Lip Blur Lip Liner in Opal - I was unable to get this color to transfer onto my skin.

• Kept Armani Beauty Eye Tint Long-Lasting Liquid Eyeshadow in Wood (36M) and Ebony (99M). Returned colors Shell (12C) and Cashew (22M). Tip: Use with a blending brush. Kept Makeup by Mario E6 Dual-Ended Eyeshadow Brush.

• Kept LUX Unflitered N°36 Supernatural Self Tanning Mousse in Blood Orange in Deep. I panicked when I first put it on because it was a green liquid foam, and it was messy. But pleasantly surprised with how it looked when I woke up. TIP: Use a self-tanning mitt applicator (!) and don’t use it on your face.

• Returned Charlotte Tillbury Airbrush Flawless Hydrating & Waterproof Setting Spray. Personally, it just left a sticky residue on my face.

• Kept Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz® Ultra-Slim Precision Detailing Eyebrow Pencil in Ash Brown. It is very easy to handle and not messy at all. Returned Anastasia Beverly Hills MicroStroke Detailing Brow Pen with 24-Hour Wear in Soft Brown. I don’t have the skill, time, or patience to fill in individual lash marks.

• Kept Benefit 24-HR Brow Setter Clear Brow Gel with Lamination Effect. I was turned off by eyebrow gel because an influencer once swayed me to buy something that left a crusty white trail behind, until this one. Benefit flexible and dries invisibly.

Even if conversations between people you don’t know personally, quitlit books, or skincare are not the things that make you feel good, what is? What makes you feel your best? What brings you comfort in being yourself?

This weekend, enjoy those things, and if you are unsure of what does, explore the above questions and lovingly figure it out.

XX, MM.

When I quit drinking in 2015, pretty much the only NA options on the market were basically soda, seltzer, and good ol’ O’Douls. I would meet my friends out at bars and would actually be ecstatic when the bartender would offer another type of NA beer. I remember having my first Bitburger NA, and I thought I hit the jackpot. Fortunately, the NA business is now larger than life and appears to be growing even larger, with seemingly new options emerging every day. However, some of these drinks (correction, most) that are being marketed to the non-drinking community and beyond are sadly straight-up crap. I’m talking insane sugar content, artificial sweeteners, artificial flavors, natural flavors, gums, and many ingredients that you have to Google.

Now I fully understand the concept that the dose makes the poison1, but as someone who is in the position to help promote these brands (I have been sent a lot of products that never see the light of day on my socials), I don’t want to promote anything that isn’t going to make you feel good. Nor do I want to drink anything that makes me feel gross in any way. And chemicals make me feel like sh*t.

A few years ago, I tried a very popular functional NA drink, and it not only kept me up all night, but I legitimately felt hungover from it. It was the worst feeling, and I was pissed that a product that was promoting itself as a healthy alcohol alternative made me feel like I had drunk sh*tty alcohol. And to make sure it wasn’t something else, I gave it the benefit of the doubt and tried it again on another occasion, and it did the same thing to me. Ever since then, I have been very hesitant to try any of these NA drinks that are marketed as herbal, functional, euphorics, whatever. Besides, I have a small apothecary of herbs, tinctures, and adaptogens in my kitchen, allowing me to create my own specialty mocktails with complete control over the ingredients and, most importantly, the dosing.

Below are some examples of when you turn the drink around and read the ingredients.

Read more

There is nothing like feeling comfortable and confident in our autonomy. And I know all too well that when you first quit drinking, or even if you’ve quit years ago, we can feel anything but. When it comes to the Sober Glow, everything I do, say, and write is purely motivated by my desire for everyone to feel comfortable and confident anytime they choose not to drink. Whether you are sober curious, sober serious, or sober whatever, consider this your permission slip to feel good. Not that you need one.

The design of this weekend's Weekender is one of my favorite ways of sharing. I love designing these small yet elevated non-drinking scenarios for readers to see themselves in. It helps take away the unknown, offers a change in perspective, and hopefully sparks ideas of your own to take forward. As much as some of us may want to hide away and be all introverted, that’s not real life. We will have a million and one events, holidays, parties, get-togethers and regular ol’ days to show up for and doing so with ease is a fantastic start to any alcohol-free lifestyle.

It’s also a way to step away from romanticizing alcohol and turn that romance back onto yourself and your big, brave, teetotal life.

Here is another I shared recently.

A FALL PICNIC AT GOLDEN HOUR

While I am always a fan of durable heavy linen fabric for a nice lie in the grass, a padded blanket is what adults who picnic call luxury. But the ultimate luxe aspect of this weekend's picnic is that the food is picked, prepped, and delivered to us. Choose between a cute Cheese Me or an over-the-top ultimate charcuterie board that Oprah herself deems a favorite. Toss in an extra baguette or three, with a favorite butter and habanero salt. And because we like to make everything fun, this happy yellow vintage picnic set. No basic wicker baskets allowed.

How often do you really think those pre-packed wicker picnic baskets get used? Probably once, and then they sit collecting dust in the basement. Always a fan of buying items that last and can be used for multiple reasons - Immodest Cotton tote is durable enough to carry this whole set-up and with style. These 1970s vintage Luminarc Cavalier Suède fumé (smoked) glass champagne coupes are perfect for our mocktails on the grass. We are pouring Figlia 002 Sole, adding in some seltzer (spindrift only), and topping it off with a splash of a gut-loving, lip-puckering vinegar from Sideyard. One of the easiest ways to make a drink “functional” is to add your own favorite herbal tinctures. Since it’s fall and the beginning of cold season, I am opting for nettles due to its anti-inflammatory properties, as well as its ability to protect and strengthen the immune system. And marshmallow for its soothing humectant properties. Staying hydrated and lubricated is one of the best ways to ward off infections.

Golden hour picnic style, from top to bottom. Oakleys make me feel like I am in high school again. While I don't see the romance in golf, I see sex appeal in these Oakley golf sunnies. Whenever I find sweet bras for us ladies in the itty bitty category, I share them. Quince has a variety of cashmere sweaters at great price points. This Mongolian Cashmere Oversized Crewneck Sweater, paired with a Buck Mason felted wool wrap coat in the color marled river rock (? or simply, brown) for a comfortable laidback day outside. We all love J.Crew again (thank you, Olympia). These vintage flair pants in sunlit olive (similar in corduroy) will not disappoint, whether sitting on the grass or dancing at the Hollywood Bowl. I’m still all in on the high-wasted snuggly jeans. Vans Old Skool all the way for style and comfort.

And to document your weekend with the ultimate nostalgia vibes - the new Camp Snap CS-8 Digital Video Camera. I’m putting this whole company down on my holiday wish list!

CHEERS!

As always, thank you for your support. If you like what I share in this space, hit the like button (street cred) and let me know you are here and I always love it when you share with a friend. If you have a question about aging, the alcohol-free lifestyle or anything in between, you can drop a note below, or find me over on IG thesoberglow.

MM

So, I tried something new this past month.

I didn’t send a single email to my “all subscribers” list; instead, I sent it only to the individuals who have a subscription. The Weekender is still open to all, but you have to access it via my platform www.thesoberglowstudio.com. I did this because I don’t like to overwhelm anyone’s email box, which is something I personally am sensitive to as well. If I sign up for someone’s newsletter and I get hit with 10 emails in a week, I’m out. It’s not that I don’t like them or want to know what they are doing; it’s that I don’t like feeling overwhelmed in any way.

But today I am hitting everyone up. You will receive a list of everything I wrote this past month, along with a compilation of my curiosities, interests, and loves, as well as any other information I believe will be helpful for any woman navigating aging and the alcohol-free lifestyle. I also plan to share more personal photos in these end-of-month, open-to-all columns.

If you have the opportunity to show up for a friend in a big way - take it! One of my dearest friends from childhood (circa 1988) turned 50, and her husband organized a surprise birthday party over in England, where they live. The surprise party was thrown in a small pub in their tiny village outside of London. This village was straight out of The Holiday, and I fell hard for their life over there. Seemingly, the whole village, plus some, came to celebrate her, and it was the most endearing thing to witness.

PRO-TIP:

Jetlag ruins me. So instead of flying in when everyone else did, I opted to fly to London two days earlier, allowing me to wander, eat, and recover at my own pace. Otherwise, I am a nightmare, and I feel like total crap, and I would rather not spread that around to the people I love.

I stayed at The Fielding House in Covent Garden. I used , Yolo Journal and the London Black Book to pick this place and though I wasn’t entirely impressed, it had a great location and price. The hotel is tucked inside a block, so I am sure it is typically quite quiet; however, for whatever reason, a group of young singers/dancers found their way into the alleyway outside my window and chose to use that space for what sounded like a Bollywood opera rehearsal. It was sweet at first, but after three hours, not so much. Anyway. The front desk was also not that welcoming, which doesn’t bother me as much, but for anyone who needs to be treated like gold, this is not it.

I finally got a reservation at Gymkhana after three London trips where I was unable to. It was early, and I was on my own, but it was worth the experience. There was so much food that I sadly was unable to finish it all, nor take it with me, other than a full basket of naan, which came in handy for that night’s midnight snack. If you go, you must get the Achari Paneer Tikka, Fig & Cashew Nut, and Corn Chaat off the appetizer list.

I can’t believe I missed this, but when I was standing on the corner waiting to take a cab to the train station, I saw that I had stayed 1/2 a block from London's one and only Club Soda, the alcohol free tasting room, bar, and shop. I had even written down on my short list of things to do, and it completely slipped my mind. Next time.

WHAT I LOVED IN OCTOBER

LISTENED - I had a lot of time to listen, thanks to all the travel and free time I had this month.

• Chelsea Handler on how to make drastic changes, accept your mistakes, and what turning 50 means to her via the Breakdown podcast.

• Radio Cherry Bombe - How to trust your gut with jewelry designer &cookbook author, Jennifer Fisher.

• The Musculoskeletal Syndrome of Menopause | Vonda Wright, MD on The Resilience Podcast. This was very interesting, and I sent it to one of my doctors. I have been having random joint pain all over my body for nearly two years, especially in my chest/sternum. So many tests and everything is negative. I am currently leaning into this idea, as well as an anti-inflammatory diet.

• The Cure for Chronic Pain - Meet journalspeak. I am new to this topic, but it is very similar to my “FU” journal practices. It’s allowing all the mixed, suppressed emotions to come out and onto the page and releasing them from the body. I may discuss this further, but for now, I am just learning about Nicole Sachs’ work. Nicole studied under Dr. John Sarno, who also inspired Annie Grace, the author of the popular book, This Naked Mind. I am not opposed to anything when it comes to decreasing pain.

• Audiobook When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. I enjoy listening to audiobooks when I’m unable to sleep at night. I downloaded this one in the middle of the night last week. I also have You Can Heal Your Life on heavy rotation. I like soft female voices.

WATCHED

• I love the dark side of the art world, and when the Louvre was hit, you would have thought I had consumed a couple of Red Bulls with how excited I got to dig into it all. Although the world is still waiting for the full story (a documentary is undoubtedly to come), I revisited the docuseries on the world's largest art heist, This Is a Robbery. It’s so good!

• Season 2 of Nobody Wants This. I told you I was gonna binge it, but I only got to episode four. Quick review so far - it’s good, but it’s not as fun as the first season.

READ

• Let’s start with one of the spiciest BRADS I have read. Thank you, Stacie, for the recommendation! Three Nights in Stockholm by Elizabeth Hardy. If you want more info on BRADs, check out BeachReadsandBubbly on IG and her Substack under the B.R.A.D Bookclub.

• Hotter in the Hamptons by TINX

• Unbreakable by Vonda Wright, MD. She is obviously brilliant, but I found this book extremely hard to read. It felt as if she was trying very hard to create new buzzwords, and the repetition of this new terminology in hopes that she could own part of this menopause conversation. I would stick to finding podcasts that she has done, which is much easier to take in. The information is quality, just not the book.

• Cold Joy by Libby DeLana

LOVING & COVETING

• Cult Gaia Kora pant and Wake Knit top

• Lands End Wax Trench Coat, I purchased earlier this year for this London trip. Now I am ready for those three days of rain in Los Angeles.

• Quince Mongolian Cashmere Ribbed Beanie

• I can’t wait to start dressing like it’s Christmas morning with red Sezane everything, but particularly this sweater.

• ROZ hair products - but especially the leave-in conditioner and oil. For all the silver/gray/white haired women, these are great because they are white and clear and won’t stain the hair.

• Not a concealer but a color corrector for dark circles. Kosas wins despite jet lag and eye bags.

• TikTok’s infamous Tower 28 matte powder blush. Everyone is obsessed with Malibu Cooler, but I prefer Culver Crush. The colors are fun, but they still don’t beat my favorite creamy blushes.

• Yes, I succumbed to the Oura ring this month. If you have an Amex Platinum, you can receive $200 off. I have no idea how to use it to its fullest capacity, but I am tracking how different sleep supplements help (or not). It’s fun, but I am not putting too much weight on it.

MORE LONDON

Cheers to October!

XX, Mia

Happy Friday! The Weekender is a short and sweet weekly pop-in meant to spread love, a sunny outlook, and maybe some cozy energy for a weekend NOT filled with booze.

SLEEP - Starting with the most important thing we can do for ourselves. It is no secret that I have been a terrible sleeper for decades and will try anything (any damn thing) to get a good night’s sleep, from heavy-hitting prescriptions to sound machines. I know everyone says their sleep gets better when they quit alcohol, and while yes, that is somewhat true for me too, it’s still not ideal. And when I hit perimenopause, there were nights when I was getting three hours max - which led to days full of anxiety, lethargy, temper flares, and literal tears. While I am past those nights (author knocks on wood), I feel I may be slowly finding my way to better and better sleep.

• GABA 100mg + Melatonin 3mg-6mg, before bed.

I don’t stick to one thing or one stack because, like all supplements, I like to test them out on their own. So instead of adding more and more and more, I will try one (or two) sleep supplements at a time. I have been back and forth with melatonin and have learned that tiny doses work best for me. I just started GABA a few weeks ago, and I am finding that when I wake up in the middle of the night, it doesn’t take as long to fall back asleep. So GABA is a massive yes for me so far. That said, before GABA, I tried what people rave about, 5-HTP. I gave it about a week and stopped because I was feeling like crap in the mornings. I share this because not everything is for everyone, and trying is the only way to find out for sure.

*Reminder, I am not a doctor, and you should consult with your physician before trying any medications or supplements.

MEMORIES & HAPPINESS - I just returned from London, where I celebrated a childhood friend’s 50th birthday. It was all a surprise put on by her husband, which made it even more special. Before leaving for London, I told my husband I was excited to see some of my childhood girlfriends because I needed to be reminded of who I am. While I have dealt with anxiety, I’ve never dealt with depression. However, over the past few years, since COVID, I have felt more alone, which is very odd for me, because I have always enjoyed being alone. I realize now I took my younger years and my big community in NYC for granted. I am also realizing that not having a ton of close friends in this city, at this age, has definitely been the cause of these new feelings. Also, being away from family as they get older and their health starts to decline has made these feelings tenfold.

Because of these new feelings and dealing with loved ones’ health issues these past few months, I have been ruminating on a personal project I want to create that would require the help of friends & family to make it really potent. I ran this idea by one of my girlfriends while I was in London, and she thought it was pretty cool too, since she has been feeling the same.

So, all this to say is I was delighted when I came across this 16-minute video on HAPPINESS: A Cure for Depression because it solidified my idea, and this weekend I am finally starting it. Much more to share on this after I get into it.

In the meantime, this is a worthy 16 minutes of your time.

• And here is a study for all us nerds! The Social Value of Positive Autobiographical Memory Retrieval.

A BRICK PHONE? - Is this the way to break our phone habit? Maybe! Here is an idea and a Kickstarter started by the same person who created the video above. I am definitely tuning into what Matter Neuroscience is doing. Would you pay $200 to carry around a 6-lb phone if it meant you just might break your phone addiction?

FEEL GOOD TV - Now listen, while I want to be more active in a bigger and closer community, I am not immune to also wanting to Netflix and chill. With cooler nighttime temps (even in LA), this weekend I am cozying up with my Minky Couture blanket and binge-watching season two of Nobody Wants This. Season one was one of the most heartfelt television series I watched last year. I can’t wait to snuggle in with my famous homemade popcorn. And if you like BTS on anything and everything, the Armchair Expert interview with Kristen Bell and Justine Lupe was charming and delightful.

Enjoy your life! Oh, and call one of your childhood friends and retrieve some of your core memories together!

Feel Good, MM.

This time of year, I am always pleasantly reminded of California's best-kept secret - September and October are known to be the nicest summer months of the year. It’s the time when the beaches are still quite warm and sunny during the day but free of tourists and children (our favorite), with the evenings becoming a little chillier, making sunset hangs and backyard bbqs feel more like East Coast happenings. It’s when we get to frolic in swimwear during the day and snuggle in with our loved ones at night. The best of both worlds, if you ask me.

Recently, one of my WhatsApp girl groups decided to do a top-five favorite products video for one another. By the way, if you don’t have your girlfriends on WhatsApp yet, start that group. It’s an excellent way to stay connected when you live apart, and it also doesn’t blow up your phone when you are at work and the chatting lights on fire, like text messaging does.

The group started with evening skincare favorites, and while I worked all this past week and never got a chance to send them a video, I decided to share it here. Also, I am a bit rushed because I am sitting in a hotel room in London, where I have been resting, eating, and meandering for two days, waiting to board a train to the countryside so I can surprise one of my oldest and dearest friends for her 50th birthday party.

While I slowly recover from jetlag, I hope you don’t mind me writing about one of my favorite topics, skincare.

Actually, make that my favorite evening skincare for fall.

CONSUMPTION

Of course, skincare always starts with what we consume (and what we do not), and for us non-drinking girlies, we already know the wonders of not drinking alcohol for our skin. But may I add (and you may not want to hear it), the increased sugar intake is likely a problem. I know I am not the only non-drinker who has a sugar thing, so if this is you as well, you may want to make note of what and how much you are consuming. Two favorites:

• Organic Olivia GlucoBitters (heads up, this has an alcohol base, like most herbal tinctures)

• Himalaya Organic Gymnema

• PUKKA herbal teas Radiance for skincare (all of the PUKKA blends, really).

EVENING SKINCARE

Again, a lot of us non-drinkers have found such comfort in spending our evenings at home, taking care of ourselves, and doing things that make us feel good, unlike all those evenings we were out doing things that made us feel anything but good. I will never apologize for wanting to take care of myself, nor do I think anyone should. And that goes for anything that makes you feel good.

With that said, here is what I am using during this summer-to-fall seasonal change.

• Keep that summer glow going sans the damaging rays with BeautyBio Bronzing Blendrops.

• YES, you can put non-systemic estrodiol cream on your face for the same benefits that it does for the walls of the vagina. The choice is to pay (a lot) for a telehealth service like MyAlloy, or use your insurance and get it for approximately $5 a tube. Plus, it lasts a hell of a lot longer than one month of applications. My insurance pays for it, but if that is not an option for you, MyAlloy is a Godsend of a company. Here is a study for all my curious folks. Also, check out the studies at the bottom of this study.

• Vitamin C, but make it thick for the new season. Dr. Idriss Major Fade Active Seal is my go-to this time of year. I also love her YouTube channel for her no-bullshit approach to skincare and products.

• GOOP Beauty Glycolic Acid Overnight Glow Peel. Getting to all that summer sun damage. The first time I used this product, I was shocked at the results when I saw myself the next morning. I was very impressed with it, and I am not someone who gets all that impressed about any one product. This one, though, I love it.

Side note, none of these products “changed my life.” I really wish people would stop saying that. No product, supplement, or skincare gadget ever changed my life. The only thing that ever changed my life was quitting alcohol.

• The Ordinary 100% Organic Cold-Pressed Rose Hip Seed Oil. There is a time and place to spend money, and more often than not, you don’t have to drop rent on a product. The Ordinary brand can be quite lovely. I have tried several of their products and the rose oil is one I return to. You can’t beat $11.

• And of course, we still need sunscreen. I work with nurses who travel back and forth to Korea, so I always get a small supply of their favorite sunscreen brands. I especially like Birch Moisturizing Sunscreen UVLock SPF 45+ because it’s not thick but works very well.

• Super luxe moisturizer at a fair price. Just started this one and even though it is meant to be a mask a couple of times a week, I have been using it every night as my main moisturizer. That said, my skin loves loves loves tons of moisture and oils (yours may not). Definitely worth trying without breaking the bank. Kiehl’s Ultra Facial Overnight Hydrating Face Mask.

And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that there is nothing, nothing better for our health and the health of our skin than good old SLEEP. And if you are like me, you probably hate being reminded of the thing you know you need more of and can’t ever seem to get. Maybe next week, we’ll discuss all things sleep if you like?

Have a wonderful alcohol-free weekend wherever you are in the world!

MM.

I have learned a thing or two as I have gotten older.

I don’t always like going to events, but I always appreciate being invited. Having solid friendships that can handle the ebbs and flows of individuals' needs is essential. My partner doesn’t have to hear or know all of my gripes. Pretty much nothing tops a good night’s sleep. Alcohol will never do me any favors. I do not always have to have the right answer, or answer for that matter. Having the ability to sit with myself in the quiet, without distractions, is a powerful skill that should be practiced daily. And being surrounded by women of all ages is one of the greatest growth opportunities around.

This weekend, I am sharing an excellent podcast with one of the most unique women I have come across online. I guarantee this one podcast will send you down a rabbit hole of daily movement practices, cold-water exposure, female friendships, finding your own joy, and the power of living a big, adventurous life.

I have only met Libby online and not in person, but I can say if given the chance, I would 1000% jump into a cold lake with her….or tag along on any one of her outrageous adventures.

Libby DeLana on The Expanded podcast. Ep 375

I have been following Libby on IG for a few years now, and she has been one of my greatest expanders. I am completely fascinated by everything she does, the adventures she takes, and the tangible female empowerment she exudes. Her cold water escapades and daily walk commitment are what legends are made of. She wrote a book, Do Walk, started modeling in her 60s (her silver hair is absolutely gorgeous), has a podcast with Alex Elle titled This Morning Walk, and is releasing her second book, Cold Joy, this month.

She is everything inspirational and aspirational that one would want in an expander and the beauty of aging—or, as she describes it, simply living.

I am totally stealing two writing practices she describes in this episode. Her monthly dream lists, where she writes down what could be the best that could happen in six different areas of her life that month.

Then at the end of every month, she writes out - What did I learn this month?

Oh, and I absolutely loved how she describes this year as her Beta Year.

Please do listen, it’s full of such wisdom.

AND check out her new book, out on Tuesday!

Longevity Increased by Positive Self-Perceptions of Aging.

It seems obvious, but we need reminding. We have two ways of thinking of ourselves as we age. We can beat ourselves up, while constantly ridiculing our body, our life, our everything, or we can accept, love, and nourish this absolute miracle that we are alive right now, in these bodies, at this time.

And if one study isn’t enough to remind us that we need to treat ourselves better and take responsibility for how we look at aging - here are more!

Similar articles

• Longitudinal benefit of positive self-perceptions of aging on functional health.

• Self-perceptions of aging predict mortality and change with approaching death: 16-year longitudinal results from the Berlin Aging Study.

• Preventive health behaviors influenced by self-perceptions of aging.

• Self-perceptions of aging: A systematic review of longitudinal studies.

• Self-perceptions of aging: A conceptual and empirical overview.

Lastly, have a wonderful weekend wherever you are and whatever you are doing.

With love,

MM

When it comes to health, I feel the same way. I want to stick to the basics, be consistent, and follow what actually moves the needle, not trends. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love knowing what the trends are, I love testing all the things. But when it comes time to decide what I can actually fit into my daily life, I can’t do everything. And I suspect you may feel the same way, or you may be looking for permission to let go of “all the things” and focus on what truly matters most.

Or you may be on the other side and feel overwhelmed with it all, having given up on everything, but now you feel like you are falling apart and don’t know where to start. Welcome, I understand all of these feelings.

Typically, people assess their health habits and needs at the beginning of the year, but by March, they have all but forgotten what they intended to do. We love to make resolutions, but we often forget the main component of those resolutions – tracking and revisiting them. We have to keep paying attention. And in this world, where everything is vying for our attention, we tend to give our greatest commodity, our attention, over to the shiniest object outside of ourselves.

To set yourself up for success in the upcoming year, start now. Below, I am outlining a simplified and streamlined action plan for our health. The first several require some legwork, but the rest are easy to implement and follow through.

KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

Most of us are so busy we don’t even know what we need, or what our bodies need. Grab a notebook and find a quiet corner where you can be distraction-free. Take as much time as you need to sit in silence and ask yourself where you are now, and where you would like to be. How do you feel? When was the last time you talked to someone about how you are feeling? How do you want to feel? What do you need to do to continue feeling good, or to get back to feeling good? Then I invite you to visualize what your definition of health is. What does that look and feel like to you? How are you showing up for yourself? How are you making yourself a priority in your life? What does your ultimate healthy life look like?

YOUR BOARD OF DIRECTORS.

Using your notebook, create a list of your board of directors.

Your BOD are the people who you surround yourself with. They are some of the most important people because they are helping guide you and your health.

• PCP, GYN, Dentist, Ophthalmologist

• Speciality physicians such as Rheumatologists, Dermatologists, and Endocrinologists.

• Alternative specialists such as acupuncturists, chiropractors, massage therapists, and nutritionists.

• Mental health specialists.

• Lastly, that one friend who you can trust to guide you to the best answers when needed, or who will help you work out anything you are processing. The one who has the best advice is never preachy and is always supportive.

Make sure everyone on this list has your back. Fire anyone who doesn’t take your calls, never listens to your questions or concerns, belittles you in any way, or is just not on the same page as you. Remember, we go through seasons of life, and that includes seasons of health. You may be in a season where you need a lot of information, attention, and guidance. Make sure you are getting that from your board of directors. If you are not, now is the time to change! It’s October, and most businesses are beginning their Open Enrollment process for the new year. This is typically the only opportunity to change your coverage. At the very least, review your benefits to ensure you have everything you need and can afford at this time.

ORGANIZE YOUR HEALTH LIFE.

I learned this from Maria Menounos a million years ago. She calls it her black book for running her life. If something were to happen to her, this book she created would allow anyone to run her life. The book itself was extensive and contained every detail in every area of life. It’s a brilliant task for when you are up for it. However, for these purposes, let’s focus solely on health. Take your BOD list and organize it: name, address, phone numbers, date of your last visit, and all your prescriptions. Include your medical record number, power of attorney information, or health care proxy if applicable. And if you have not designated a health care proxy, do so immediately. Include any necessary passwords for trusted loved ones who may need to access your records.

REVIEW YOUR SUPPLEMENTS & MEDICATIONS.

We all have that cabinet(s) full of vitamins, supplements, and the random anti-inflammatories and cold medicines. It’s time to gather every last bottle and tincture and place them all out on the kitchen table. First, check the expiration dates on everything. Obviously, throw away anything that has expired. This includes those just in case antibiotics! Please don’t risk it and toss anything expired. But, if you are a little rebel, at the very least, check here for the efficacy of expired medications.

Separate the ones that you take daily. If you were asked why you take these particular supplements/medicines, you should be able to explain it. Taking something because an online influencer takes it and has a discount code is not a reason to take it. And the same goes for medicines and doctors. I can’t tell you how many patients I come across who have no idea why they are taking a particular drug, and a shocking number of people don’t even know the names of their medications.

Now I know this isn’t you, but I want to be clear that I am not just picking on people who are easily influenced (believe me, we have all been there). But this behavior runs the gamut of people who just don’t pay attention to what they are doing, and they put all their trust in what others (influencers AND medical doctors) tell them to do. And when this happens in the trendy online supplement world, it’s easier to overdose on certain vitamins/minerals because we are taking all these random things without knowing what’s in them all.

Once you have your edited lineup of vitamins, supplements, tinctures, and herbs, review the ingredients to ensure you are not overdosing on any one vitamin/mineral. For example, if you are taking a multi-vitamin, a hair supplement, and a single dose of vitamin D, you are probably overdosing on vitamin D and are getting too much of a good thing.

The point is this – know precisely what you are taking and why you are taking it. This is your responsibility because no one else is looking out for you.

Plus, who the hell wants to waste money!

NUTRITION

How are you eating? Are you nourishing yourself as best as you can? Are you eating fruits and vegetables, or pounding protein powders? Supplementing can be very helpful and convenient, but not all the time. There is a time and place. Aim for real, whole foods over powders and packaged food.

How many times a week are you at a loss with what to eat or cook?

Create a go-to book that holds all your favorite foods and nourishing recipes. This may take more than a few hours, but taking the time to do this will be so worth it.

Ok, now that the heavy lifting of this end-of-year health check-in is complete, let’s move on to the easier steps.

Read more

Life is big and full, and if we are lucky, we will stay multi-passionate, curious, and perpetual students of life. The perpetual student part was something a loved one said to me once when describing me, but it wasn’t in a nice way. But I adored that label and took it with honors. Who doesn’t want to keep learning, discovering, and trying new things? I never want to stay the same or do the same thing over and over, day in and day out. Monotony is a four-letter word to me. I thrive as a nurse because I also have a purposeful, creative outlet (tSG) outside of nursing. If I focused on only one thing, I would eventually start losing interest, and that would turn into loathing and resentment. Even as a nurse, I have tried many different types of nursing, because I never want to get too comfortable.

The same goes for showing up here. I love to write about the AF lifestyle because it encompasses so much more than just the acute quit phase. In this space, I get to share all the things that I love and find useful for this chosen way of life, as well as incorporate my knowledge and experience as someone educated in the Western medical world.

Each Weekender is essentially a list of all my favorite AF things to try, see and do.

1. The interview heard around the world—Madonna x Jay Shetty’s On Purpose podcast. As a Gen Xer, and I assume many of you are as well, I was thrilled to listen to this. This is her first interview in nearly a decade. It felt like a quiet luxury to listen to.

2. After working a 12.5-hour shift, my body is spent, especially my legs. While putting my legs up the wall is one thing, lately, I need more help. For the last two weeks, I have been using the Therabody Jetboots Prime and we are in love. I say we because, of course, my husband stole them immediately, as he always does. If you are a nurse or a first responder, you can get 20% off via ID.me. Big score! Additionally, if you are a medical professional, you should be aware of ID.me for numerous discounts. I always check it before making big purchases.

3. On the topic of lymphatic support, I see a lot of influencers recommending compression socks. But I have noticed that they are more designer socks and light on the compression. Personally, I’m intense, so if I am going to wear stockings or socks with a purpose, I prefer them to be as tight as possible. Medical-grade compression socks actually need a prescription. However, you can get excellent ones online, and make sure they are at least 20-30mmHg. I go full granny mode and wear the waist-high stockings, I don’t care. They are also great on planes! Not only am I saving my legs, but I also don’t get as tired.

4. Now this is a brilliant idea, and if you know these ladies, give them a high-five from me. The Five-to-Nine Club is a women-only, alcohol-free dance party, from five to nine (obvi) in Baton Rouge, LA. While I am nowhere near LA, if you are, please go! The next one is scheduled for Oct 7th. I wish every city had this! Spread the word, or start your own please and thank you.

5. OK, you knew I was going to say it. Ghia dropped a new flavor of NA drinks. I absolutely love seeing this company and its founder win.

6. The herb that is in heavy rotation lately. Eye Health from HerbPharm. If you are staring at your phone, computer, or TV all day long (like most), and especially if you are a Gen Xer, I know you need this. When perimenopause hit, it felt like my eyesight changed overnight. It was fast and drastic. This herbal concoction won’t reverse it, but I find it does alleviate some of the effects.

Happy AF Weekending!

Yesterday, I did something I have never done before. I unplugged from everything completely. No phone, computer, music, or television. Not even my Apple Watch. Nada. Of course, there have been days when I haven’t called or texted anyone, didn’t watch any TV, didn't listen to any podcasts, or didn't scroll. But embarrassingly, I can’t remember ever having done it all at once for an extended period of time. Now, one day is not by any stretch of the imagination an extended period of time. But when you unplug from absolutely everything, it feels expansive.

Now, I won't go into a 3,000-word essay about the need for a digital detox. However, I will say that, taking yesterday entirely offline, my biggest takeaway is that it felt really grounding. I didn’t feel any anxiety or guilt or “shoulds” all day long, and that was enough for me.

In this past Wednesday's newsletter, I mentioned the five things I am implementing over the last 100 days of 2025, and one full day a week off from tech is one of them. I think we all recognize the need for breaks from the constant noise and technology that surround us 24/7. But how many of us actually take a break?

Even as I grabbed my computer this morning to write this newsletter, I felt like yesterday was not enough, and I want more downtime. So after this, I will log out again for the day and night and reassess tomorrow. Besides, I have a sultry little book based in the Hamptons that I just started and would like to get back to.

What would it feel like to take the entire weekend off from it all?

THINGS TO CONSIDER FOR A WEEKEND FULLY UNPLUGGED

• Starting with books: Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport, Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman, or from our dear friend Jessica Elephante, Raising Hell and Living Well.

• One day is one thing, but multiple days in a row, you may need to let your loved ones know what you are doing. You don’t need the cops showing up for a wellness check and interrupting your zen den.

• Get comfortable with the quiet. Take your daily walks in silence. Walk the dog without your favorite podcast. Run your errands without any distractions. Just notice the noises around you.

• Allow yourself to sit and daydream. Yes, daydream. Journal. Make lists. Get all those to-dos, desires, and lists down on paper and out of your head.

• Use this time to dive into one of your home projects. Clean out some closets, drawers, or a pantry. Not only will you feel grounded by not having your face glued to a phone, but you will also feel lighter with the decluttering of areas in your home. Win-win.

• Read your coffee table books, or pull down those beautiful travel books and cookbooks for inspiration. I slowly meandered through this beauty yesterday - The Guide to Becoming Alive. Also, follow Flamino Estate on Spotify for some of the best at home playlists (the only reason my phone will be out today).

• One of those said playlists (that is, if you are incorporating music into your off-tech time)

• Have a notebook out on the table to write down all the thoughts that come up that you would typically grab your phone to look up, buy, or read about. I wonder if you return to that list on Monday, would those things still matter or interest you?

• We gave up alcohol to elevate our lives. Take this time to assess how you are truly living and whether it is how you want to live. We all need to do personal check-ins.

Enjoy your life, not the perfectly curated life of someone else who shares online.

Over and out,

M.M.